Blah,blah, blah

I guess this whole "talking" shit does work, only sometimes but hey I've just a chat with "the Animal" and did the "honesty is the best policy" shit and wheeeee it did good, I think!

Only now I'm trying to reassess myself and my attraction to men with attachments... coz well this is the second one and eish but at least I found out before he actually ties the knot with his significant other, wow i wonder what that makes me?????

Talking about stuff does help especially when you are not sure what it is that is going on between you and the other person - much respect to "Animal", and after that mouthful of half confessions - I'm not pissed off but rather eased and ya as I've always thought honest men are hot, yum!!!!

Hey a while ago I asked that a "good" man should give Da Diva a hollar and till today I'm still waiting...... so does that mean that there are absolutely No man that fits my description of a good man out there???? What has happened to the world?

Much love.....

Later

Spendin th@ KaCh$$$ng!

So I was thinkin of how everybody is an opportunist... yes you are one too (even those who think they are not, shit deep down you know you are)!!

Really, think about it who wants to date a permanently broke ass nigga or an ugly, overweight chick that can't read????

"They" say true love is blind and unconditional - I say that is a freakin lie! You can't bust your ass trying to get a good education and a fairly well paying job only to settle for an illiterate, unemployed person that will suck you dry of all your hard earned cash!!!

If you've been bitten by that love bug and the person you want to love for the rest of your life doesn't have a job then they (he/she) better be doing something to make you happy, for me that man should be cooking all my meals, washing my laundry, cleaning and on top of all of that he MUST deliver ( if you know what I mean), damn your ass sits at home the whole day so that is just the least that you can do to please me otherwise you aint gettin none of my cash!!!

Even with men, they want a presentable if not hot chick for themselves that they will flaunt around - they don't have to love them really a simple liking is enough for them (this is not a fact -ok), which guy wants to be seen with a disgustingly ugly chick? ha,ha,ha don't lie you know that you don't believe in the whole "inner beauty" shit!!! The chick can be dumber that a typical blond but all you can do is check out that hot body and think that you can work around the fact that she's dumb, she can give you the most unsatisfying shag and still tolerate her coz well all your friends think she's very "nice" and hot!!! Her conversation is so boring that she keeps going back to the topic of how much fun she had when she went shopping for underwear, all you can do is look at her gorgeous face and wish she could shut up already and give you that blow-job you've been wanting since the day you saw her bikini waxed punani.....

Basically, this is the shit I'm tryin to get to...... At this day and age, love aint what it used to be! So much so that we all have to weigh our options when it comes to choosing the people we want as partners. Love alone is not enough to make a relationship last, it's this whole tit-for-tat thing. You know who you really love but if they don't have anything to offer besides their deep love for you, you simply ditch them for some-one else, I mean you can always learn how to love someone else right even though you have to force yourself to kiss them at first, with time you get used to it..... as long as the benefits keep coming your way!!!!

I know you think this is sick but lets face it, it's true...............

Which is why some of us are still trying to find "love"!

Me,me,me

I never managed to keep that dentist appointment!

A few minutes before I went for the green bottle!!!

Being deep in though never suited me, anyways!!!

So today I finally decided to reveal my face for all ya'll who've never seen me!!!! I don't look much like Miss World but I'm still Da Diva......

Shweeeeeet!!!!

Be gone - Week-end

Haai, this past weekend was rather awfullynice I must say and I learnt a few other things that sometimes go on in certain men's minds and they say WOMEN like playing games........ Bullsh*t! My family have always wondered why I keep 97% male and only 3% female friends and this weekend I wished to show them why but I couldn't 'coz I would've been exposed for the ill-mind I have.....

Firstly, I gotta update you first before you get lost... My boyfriend of 8months & I "separated" about 4months ago (officially) and I hooked up a splacka that is too attached (and that aint about to change anytime soon) and things were cool until I met the "animal" about a month ago - who by the way promised to fuck my life up ( I think that is what drew me to him, initially - I'm a sucker for challenges - only in a few things though) this is the same guy that was my hype for a week and than I decided to ignore his ass after my friend Kwaki gave a few pointers on how to handle people like him and I must say Kwaki, you are the GURU man!

Its a long story full of drama and twists to it but all I gotta say is that people must stop giving some of us mixed messages coz I for one can be very slow at times - really! How can you say to a person have a nice shag and expect them not to!!! How am I supposed to figure that shit out... and i never thought that some men actually do get jealous.... yet they still won't confess?!?

I'm seriously thinking of how I'm going to work this shit coz to me it wasn't an issue until somebody else decided to make it one now they are making me feel as if this is a tug and I'm supposed to make decisions... which I'm not, this is Nelspruit and I have gone for months without meeting a person that actually gets me to be interested in them in that way, I just don't get taken that easily and when I do please let me enjoy it..... I'm not trying to marry the guy, I just wanna shag him okay!!!

Anyways when I got upset coz a splacka decided to get fresh with someone else not so long ago - I was told the following (as it is) "what's wrong with you, why are you angry - you are not my wife" and what did I do? I let it be and it was just that ,now that same person told me that I shouldn't date the "animal" coz it's just not right!!!! How is that fair????? Haai kabi but I think not.

Men can be surprising at times...

Had a great weekend and yeap... I'm not calling any of them this week - Thanx Kwaki, that one really works, yo now they can feel how painful it is for a woman to chill waiting for their trifflin asses to pick up the phone and dial a simple ten digit number, not coz you have something important to say but just because you can and its the proper thing to do!!!!

Ran out of Topics

Well I haven't been able to write... this whole week mostly because a few friends told me that I got issues, this after they had finished reading my previous posts!!!! can you imagine , me with issues??????? Hmmmm and I've been trying to find a decent topic to write on, one that would make people think that I'm not too sick minded and well I couldn't find any so basically its just going to be me and my thoughts.

So, firstly welcome back Kwaki, hope you were able to vanquish those demons of yours.... hee,hee,hee I just thought of calling you "Kwaki, the demon slayer" or rather "Kwaki, the woman basher" dude, you got an issue with women, yet you chill with them every weekend!!! We may not be what people would call normal females but we still fall under the category of women, don't we???

So this past weekend, I tried to stay away from the green bottles but was later tempted to take a sip, hmmm the sweet taste of....! Had a long chat with with Kwaki and gave him the platform to tell me shit I didn't know about myself, I do believe that I'm the only person that knows what is going on in my heart and mind but its the people around me that actually see the way I may react to a certain sitch.... so I like knowing what people think about me, what ever they may say positive or not, I will take to mind but It doesn't mean that my life will evolve around that!!! Its valuable info 4sho but hey don't we all have flaws somehow!!! Anyways I once told a girlfriend of mine that she should not blame people for what they think of her especially when her actions constantly contradicts what she voices out - and maybe other people need to be told too.

We are patiently waiting for Blaque to come visit from CT, she has stories to tell and we have missed her!!!

A friend said I should stop writing long posts coz they are lazy to read, wow!!! I wonder how they made it through school!! or did they??? They should try reading Kasiekulture, now that's what I call long!!!

Back then!

Had thoughts of the way life was , especially when I was still in school. The first crush, the first kiss, the first boyfriend, the chilling in groups, being rated as one of the most cutest chicks in school, the fights in the school bus, the love letter writing to the hot boys in matric, bunking classes just to chill with the boyfriend for a lil' while coz that's the only time you get to see him. Ah wow... how nice it was but eventually we had to grow up and discover the life of a tertiary student!

Now tertiary was interesting but I must say that I missed high school when I first got there, being 17 and starting a new kind of learning, having classmates that were way older than me. After getting used to the tertiary life, I made friends and formed a group of tight friends - a mixture of all cultures that you'd find in the southern hemisphere...

I had tswana, pedi, xhosa, zulu, shangaan, swati, congolese, french, coloured, indian and white friends!!! And then there were these other chicks I used to chill with sometimes, they even had a name for their group - wow and somehow they all did Accounting and I was the only one doing marketing there.

Now you know that with groups there's always a leader and more often the leader of the group is usually the least pretty out of the whole lot.... I call these kind of leaders abo - Lerato (sorry, to all Leratos out there, it's not personal), this name came about after meeting about 4 chicks with the same name and all being group leaders!!!

So anyways, my one guy friend wanted to mack this girl who happens to be in the group I'm talking about and the fucked up shit is that she liked him too (I asked her) but they couldn't get to each other all because of Lerato... Lerato was so controlling that she told all they girls in her group what to and what not to do, so when this chick was telling her friends how much she's feeling my boy - Lerato just had to go tell her that ya that guy just wants to play you, he aint even that hot and he's just not good for you (the nerve of that woman) but on the other side the very same Lerato is busy playing games sending my boy sms' telling him that she wants to shag him and that she's crazy about him, using another number of cause so that we couldn't trace who the hell was sending them ( I managed to find out though) so basically whenever my boy would go to their table to talk to the chick Lerato would throw a tantrum forcing every one to focus on her thus disturbing the conversation between the two wannabe lovebirds... so sly!!!

The fouls came out in the end the Lerato was exposed, much to my delight!!! But ke my point was this: have you ever tried to talk to a chick and there is this one friend that controls everybody in the group that just won't let you even five feet close to her very hot friend... I hate those, my brother's chick even dumped him - that decision was surely much influenced by another Lerato prodigy, felt like bitch slapping her!!!

Oh and in case you are wondering what we did to get Lerato back for standing in the way of our friends happiness......... we ruined her relationship with her boyfriend and 3 of the chicks in my group had short flings with him - just coz they can and to rub it in her face we stole 2 chicks from her group to join ours!!!! ha, ha,ha, suck on it Lerato!

Honestly, stupid shit like that make me wanna go back to school 4 real, imagine me doing all that shit now at my age, mmmm It would be a shame!!!!

Oh last weeks hype, is now yesterdays news literally........... I gotta find me a flava of the month for April now - so look out coz you might be next.... (JOKE).

Hey, what do you think of me dating a younger dude???? I haven't done it yet but it has crossed my mind just recently... when I say young I'm talking about 21 maybe 22 years old ( I'm not too psycho yet) but really, I bet these young boys know how to go buck-wild and they are becoming cuter by the day!!! Guys my age can't keep up with me!!!! Don't be shy, send me a comment!!! I'm just curious, you know.

Don't want none of that!

See, I had one of those weekends that were nice but ended in a rather unpleasant manner for me coz I kept asking myself what the fuck happened?!! For once I wish the people who saw me on Saturday - DO NOT remember how I look like but the nice part of Saturday was bumping into a friend from Durban after a very long time of seeing them and all I can say is wow!!!

Well back to my issue for today......

I figured that I don't need another bitch's dog - and when I say dog I mean men with wives, live-in lovers, demanding baby-mamas and those greedy mother-f*?ckers!! And yes that's what I said "dog".

I used to think that dating a man with a wife or a steady girlfriend is easy coz basically you'll see them for a little while and in that time you get to do what ever you want with them and after that they go back to their wives and you are free to do what ever your heart pleases - without the stress of having to maintain a serious relationship and commitment.... and when he asks you why you fucked another man, you give them an earful of how they don't have enough time for you and you are left feeling lonely when they o back to their wives so the only way to stop yourself from feeling that way was to go out and have fun thus shagging another man!!!

What really gets to me as the way women sometimes allow themselves to be in a situation that they know clearly is going to leave them with a shattered heart..... and this is not the man's fault only, women are as much responsible for their own heart-break as they men who promise them bullshit!!!

Now look at this sitch.... A woman meets a man , a nice man who happens to have a wedding ring on his finger to show that he's married yet still asks the woman out. The woman says yes though she's aware that he is married... the two enjoy each others company and seems like they have a lot in common and eventually this blossoms into a somewhat promising relationship with the two seeing each other more often, after a while the man starts telling the woman of how shit is not well at home with his nagging wife and she's always picking a fight with him, he promises that he will leave his wife to marry you coz you make him happier, how he can't live without you and that he never actually loved his wife the way he loves you - it's just that he was forced into it!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, Ha, Ha

Reality check #1: The man is lying to your triflin ass girl!!! He aint gonna leave his wife for you coz he already has you, do you honestly think you are the only chick he has said that to? Why would he leave a setting that is comfortable for him? Look, he has the family that he always goes back to after shagging you, when he wants to have fun - he has you to call while the wife is at home with the kids and cooking him is favourite meal and he's taking you out to a fancy restaurant, where he'll buy you drinks and have his boys tell him how he's the man... He'll rather lose you than leave his wife, after all there'll be another one of you around the corner! DMX said it right - "come on ma, you know I gotta wife and even though that pussy tight I aint gonna jeopardise my life"

And the rest of them other dogs that have the psychotic live-in lovers that will cut your face when they hear that their men where seen somewhere nibbling on your neck.... look out for those, they are straight up crazy and for the men why aren't they married to these women since they love them enough to live with them - really now, that's why these chicks start acting crazy, they are waiting for your ass 2 pop the question. I mean its not as complicated as men would like to make it seem sometimes - you love her a lot, you've been together for 8 years, then why are you not married to the poor woman? I know people who only knew each other for less than 2 years and yet they are happily married till today.... which makes me wonder why the men are stalling??? They are only a few things you need to be sure about when you want to pop the question : You love her, she's beautiful, the sex is good, she can cook, she know how to spend your money well, she's smart, she has a job and she laughs at your corny ass jokes, oh and she makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Now these men must stop chasing every skirt they can lay eyes on and focus on working on that engagement their girlfriends are waiting for, damn and stop putting the rest of us in danger.

And then there are the greedy mother-f!?ckers, these ones are nasty, they want every one.
They think they are players, there are only a few players in the world and they are not them!!!
They are just everywhere, now they want me, the next week they want my cousin and the week after that they want my friend. like what the fuck's wrong with you???? These ones I just kick their nasty lines to the curb.

What's life without a lie or two? Men aren't all the same and there are good women out there!!!

Me on the other side am trying to find my one!!! As long as he is not married, have a live-in lover or a controlling baby-mama then I think I can work something out with him coz honestly, these days trying to find a single, honest, childless man in this country is almost impossible unless there is something terribly wrong with him!!!! Haai Kabi but nje, I'm still to bump into one.

I'm in a mix!!!

I turned 23 this year - YeaY!!! And those who know me, would know that I can be a bit too curious at times and "they" say curiosity killed a cat or some shit like that - bullsh*t.... I've lived in a lot of places and coz of that I've also met a gazillion people, I knew so many people that I had to delete a number each time I stored a new one on my cellphone! Deep!!!

Yesterday, I called a couple of people - some that I haven't seen in years and while I still at that I decided to called a few people who (in the past) fell victim to my lust and they took it upon themselves to remind me how "buck-wild" I used to go each time I did something that really made me excited... I can't help it sometimes you know - there are just certain things out there and in life that I felt I needed first-hand experience in, I just had to find out how things really are myself!!

I have a rather lengthy yet short list of the shit I dared myself to do - once (a long time ago)!

I got my tongue pierced first and then a certain part of my body ( but that was a bit too kinky even for my liking) so I had to get rid of that one but I'm keeping my tongue ring for life I think or until I get married to a highly moral psycho.

I dated and had a somewhat sexual encounter with a lesbian, the relationship lasted for about 2 or 3 months (can't remember clearly), she was sweet and I was being spoilt rotten but damn the chick a bit to clingy.

Me and a couple of friends after watching a hectic movie, decided to drive down to Shelly Beach and stay there for 4 days at a friend's beach house, with a hell lot of booze and meat - the point of that was to see if we would get gout sickness and how long can one be sober if the only time you take break from drinking alcohol is when you pass out. All I can say people got motherly sloshed, some threw up, some pissed on themselves.... sies but hey had we not done that we wouldn't have known just how much one can stand their alcohol intake.... right (I'm still trying to figure out how sane people can agree to do that)

We gate-crashed 7 parties in one night, one which was a after tears of some person's funeral, we didn't know until some old woman asked if we were her deceased nephew's friend - right there I placed my green bottle on the ground and decided to bounce outa there...

I got high on something and decided to watch all 3 Matrix dvd's, I felt so stupid trying to find reasons of why Neo existed.

I once jumped out of a microbus that was driving 120 km/ph on the Witbank-Pretoria highway - I had a very good reason for doing that though.... my family are still waiting for the real story but I'm not telling, not in this lifetime - oh after that I woke up in hospital after 9 hours of being unconscious and had a major operation after that m m m, too traumatic!!!

Well, I think I'll finish this one some other time coz I gotta work now. Basically I'm a sucker for fun and sometimes danger and pain in short I live life!!!

Ooh! so romantic

So I've just spoken to soul that was once lost but eventually found its way back civilisation!

In my short life, I've heard a lot of I love you's from people - when I say people I mean mostly men.

Here's some of them ( I don't know how sincere they were but hey, people do lie sometimes)

G.L - (Coloured guy) "Haai, check hier ne! Jy's my meirie van nou af en jy weet mos ek smaak jou - is ne!"

Rugby Dude - (He's either zulu or xhosa, I just couldn't figure him out) " Kutheni ngawe undibheka kanje, ndithsilo nje - mama, nunu, baby ndikuthandile yeva"

SLK (He's Swati) "Ngiyak'tsandza sesi webantfu lomuhle"

Quan (I've never heard him speak anything else besided slang) "I'm feelin' you"

Animal ( He's Pedi) " I want you & I can see you want me, come here"

Thug Love (Zulu) "Ehe mfwethu, uyazi nje ukuthi ngiyakuthanda mmm"

But the one that did it for me wasn't verbal! He came up to me, looked straight in my eyes and pasted a long kiss on my lips and I didn't stop him!!!

Love issues!

Yesterday, while reading Kwaki's blog I had thoughts about this whole love thing and they really contradicted each other. It was like a big part of me agrees with him and that part of me is anti-relationships but at the same time I was....... (I can't put it into words but it was a certain feeling).

Women can be B?*@tYF#*ck? at times more especially when they know for sure that they are loved and adored!!! It's like they get too comfortable so much that they stop putting effort and work into the relationship that they have with the men in their lives, like they have this thing in their minds that "He loves me too much to leave me" and "he'll do anything for me" - well I think that is when certain women need a wake up call that it's actually not all about them and the men just need to show them the world definitely doesn't evolve around them, you know make them pay a bit more attention to the relationship and for a change make women sweat trying to keep their men happy - not the other way around!!!

I should know, I've done fucked shit before and yes I admit to it ( lately, I think I've been hit with "the truth serum"). I was in a relationship with probably one of the few most good men out there and I became evil after that.... I expected him to do the impossible at times and sometimes the poor guy would drive all the way to come see me and I would be pissed off at him for no reason at all, basically I mad his life hell for nothing!!! I knew he loved me and maybe worshipped the ground I walked on (I'd like to think) but that made me think fuck I can do anything and this guy will still love me! I dumped him - I don't know the real reason why but I had a good explanation for it at that time and now I'm at a point where I've got my eye on some one else and I don't even know if this person likes me and to be honest I was starting to feel a bit desperate in a way... When I saw love - I didn't want it and now that I'm looking for it - it doesn't want me!!!

I'm not sure what I want really.... the one day I wake up and have this "Fuck Love & Relationships" and the next I'll be miserable 'coz I'm so lonely and I'll want to find someone to love and to be loved back the same way!!!
In some way its true when they say that - once a guy treats you well and is a sweet,loving, caring gentleman, some women think his dumb, you stop seeing him as a lover but when he is an asshole - cursing at you and you catching him a another chick every now and then , you chase after him like a ???? (don't have a word for it) but basically the guy will treat you like crap and you'd still think he's the best thing to ever happen to you!!!! How fucked is that?

K - I don't know what you think about me but I wish you would give me your most valued comment on my issue!!! And yes I know I'm f@*&d up like that.

Baby had no say!!!

Girl why did you have to go abort that baby?
Might only have been just a foetus to you,
But could've been a beautiful soul, guess now you'll never know
Killer!

Why you gotta infect an innocent heart with the virus?
She never asked for it!
Now she's forced to live a short life
Just 'coz you couldn't handle you hormones long enough to get a rubber...
Again, you killed!!!

Why you wanna raise that baby when you are only a child yourself?
You'll be blamed when her life falls apart,
You couldn't give her guidance, you weren't guided yourself!

Why you wanna bring that child up in poverty, when you knew that you weren't ready to support another life,
You probably think you can't help the situation,
But did you have to drag a new born baby into YOUR OWN struggle against life???

Keep it to yourself if you aint ready to deal with life's hard knocks! You might just end up with multiple murders in your hands.....

Hhmmmmm!!!!

A friend said it and I'm finally admitting it - I'm a sick woman!!!!

Not mentally or physically but 'coz of the shit I do sometimes!!!

This weekend kinda clarified certain things about me and hey, all it takes is another person to make you see that. I'm not really gonna go deep into detail incase some people take offence or some shit like that.
On Friday I did something and it was purely for my pleasure, I wanted to and I just did it without feeling the least guilty of who I'll be hurting or how other people are going to comment on it!!! This feeling that I have right now may not for a long long time and I'm not hoping that it does ( I get bored too quickly, these days) but honestly there are just some people who are good at what they do and some of us are there to enjoy what they have to offer. It's like something just awoken inside me and I'm on some other level that I hadn't been on in a while and this person....... where have you been all along????? But all in all I had a great weekend with most of my peoplez, I missed the people who are close to my heart, I met people I hadn't seen in the last 7 years and I met new people that make life seem very interesting!!!!

Life!!!

I have been thinking long and hard.....

And the one question that always manages to pop in my mind is: What is life all about?

What it is that we are really living for? This bugs me a lot, especially after visiting my grandmother who lives in Metsi, Area B around Bushbuckridge. Now that is a rural area right, I used to go there a lot when I was still a toddler and as I grew older my visits weren't so frequent anymore and every time my mother was upset with me, she would threaten to take me there and I used to cry and think that she hated me - after living in a Durban for about 7 years then coming to Nelspruit (which didn't do it for me at that time) was bad but Metsi was even worse.

But I went there recently and was taken by the way they live there and what is normal in my eyes, I had friends there that I used to play with when I was still younger but now it was like we have nothing to talk about. I was quite close to this one particular girl and she was the one person I'd rather talk to when I'm there but you'd be surprised if you had us together, we are so different for obvious reasons of cause but more because of the way we grew up. While there I was so frustrated because my phone kept giving me the "no signal" alert and getting airtime was mission impossible, I was craving beef lasagna, a king steer burger and butter croissants with a hot hollicks like mad and there were no where to be found! So there I was complaining to her that I hadn't watched all my favourite TV shows in a week, how hot it was and how I needed the latest issue of Hype Magazine - all of which she had no clue about and clearly all the things that I was worried about simply did not matter to her because she is not used to them. That made me think of how much I had changed from being a simple girl from Metsi to being Khensani from Durban. I was like I have so many problems that are not really problems you know, then came Sunday and we were about to leave for church - the same church that I used to walk to back then but now I simply couldn't I needed to be driven there and my grandmother who is about 89 years young walked with no problem..... Right there I just thought to myself "shame on you Khensani" to make matters worse I didn't understand the sermon as it was done in shangaan (tsonga, for those who don't know) and to think that about 10 years back I was fluent in the language ( should've seen my grandmothers disappointment in me when I greeted the congregation in zulu), it was the first language I learnt to speak when I was about 2 years or so now 21 years later the only word I know is "teka".

Its like I got so caught up in city life that I totally forgot where Khensani came from.

Besides that what I want to figure out is what is it that I'm living for, really!!!

Is it a great job that pays a six digit figure a month that will make me feel as if my life has been worthwhile?

Am I living for the greatest love of my life ( that I don't have yet)?

Is it popularity that is going to make me feel human?

Is my life based on what other people expect of me rather than what is best for me?

Are all the things I wish to acquire in life really important?

Do my friend like me for me or for what I could be or maybe for what I have ( which is not much)?

who am I, really?

What is it that makes me do certain things in life?

Am I really happy with myself and the way I am?

A lot of questions are going through my mind right now maybe because things come to me as soon as I sit in front of this screen.

But life.......

HHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

I'm just.....

For real!

A couple of years back (2004), while I was still in Durban I managed to get myself caught up in a somewhat weird relationship ( I've been known for being in "weird" relationships, this is just one of them)...

I hooked up with an amazingly cute guy, who also happened to be at DIT doing IMM(Marketing) but he was a year ahead of me. This was after we kept "bumping" into each other at a porpular hang-out place, so you can figure out the rest but this got interesting when - 3 weeks into the relationship he wanted to shag me and me , well I just couldn't do it.... this bot was so cute that I just wanted to just kiss and hug him, oh and I liked playing with his cheeks. Basically, it was more like - we were a couple but with different interests in each other, he saw me as a girlfriend while to me he was this cute person that I like chilling and flirt with.

So after some time of me not giving him what he wanted - he told me he was going to take that shit from me anymore so I did what any good girlfriend would do...... find him a "bootycall", and I did indeed - a beautiful one at that! See, I wanted him to get sum - even if it wasn't from me but from a nice, well mannered girl that I approved of and the rules were simple - shag her as much as you want but don't love her as much as you love me, like her - fine but DON'T LOVE HER!!! He said he understood and well things were great I must say, I was getting spoilt like a princess and he did everything I told him to. Eventually I spotted yet another "eye-candy" and started to take an interest at him too, now the fucked up shit is that people couldn't understand what was going on.... especially when they saw me walking with "my" boyfriend, the bootycall and my new eye-candy. Imagine having to explain shit like this - I'm sitting with my bofriend that happens to be shagging the girl sitting next to my soon-to-be love interest and we all know what's going on between the 4 of us, we chill together for lunch and sometimes go clubbing together!!!!

Now that was an experience for life 4sho and I enjoyed every moment of it.

The truth of it is that I didn't mind him shagging another woman as long as I knew about it and there is a valid reason for him to do that - ( I organised the chick, so I was cool with it) but shit started to get out of hand when he fell in love with the chick and that is the one thing that put a scar in heart.

You can shag anybody else but me as long as you keep it safe and you are honest about it but don't love her as much or more than you are
meant to love me!!!!!!

What part of that rule didn't he understand???

Ah! well we decided to end our relationship and just remain good friends.... the funny shit is that even as good "friends" we still carried on as we did when we were a couple. Now aint that weird!!!

Say What!!!!

Ha, Issue #2: Kwaki murdered cupid..... All my hopes of being lucky next year are almost gone, now I'm never getting anything for Valentine's Day (not that I have in the past) but I still had hope you know!!!! Anyways... back to now

Are black men romantic in any way? or maybe I should say African men? I'm still to meet a black man that will do all of the following:

• Buy me my favourite flowers every now and then (not coz he's done something wrong but nje for the fuck of it)
• Slave over the stove, making me a nice meal (just coz he wanted to)
• Figure out what I'm thinking or want without me having to lush out at him first
• Miss watching the biggest soccer game of the year just to chill with me
• Say all the right things at a good time
• Understand that Friday night must not always be Boyz night out
• Not be shy to be honest about his thoughts, feelings and the rest
• Write me poetry once in a while
• Wash all my sneakers when they are dirty
• Clean after himself if he has messed the house
• Open the car door for me ( all the time)
• Let me know how much he loves me and how I'm so beautiful (without looking desperate and overdoing it)
• Take control when necessary but not be too bossy
• Make me laugh - everyday (don't be too corny though)
• Wow me - somehow
• Give me an orgasmic foreplay
• Kiss me sensually - perfectly
• And last for atleast 40 minutes (if you know what I mean)
• Know that sometimes its just all about me,me, me
• It doesn't hurt to be generous sometimes (ka-ching $$$), just coz you can
• Lastly be innovative(in bed), sweet, caring and loving & I don't mean be obsessed over me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is whats more or less at the top of my list...... If you are capable of doing the above, PLEASE CALL ME - 084 959 2258!!! I'm not too desperate though but ya hollar at da Diva!!!

Hmmm!!! Women always complain about their men being boring and unromantic, which makes me wonder....... what are they offering to please the men??? Maybe black people in general are just not romantic!!! Even the stats show........ The show "All you need is love" didn't do wonders for our people, it was just UUURRRRGGGG!!!!!!! If you know what I mean. Don't be shy, I'm waiting for that call.

Don't forget to enter Kwaki's Competition - Win A Mazda....

F**cked up day!

I'm officially having the most fucked up day to date!!!! I woke up with one mother of a headache, went to the government complex and was made to empty the boot of the car I was driving, one lift was not working so I had to walk three floors up and down, never mind that its freakin hot in Nelspruit. Then as I was going back to the office this one dude driving a golf 5 by the robots, thinking he's all that decided to wink at me, I just looked at him like what the fuck, haaa and then he just screams out that he wants to marry me!!!! Can you imagine, in public!!!! oh well I get to the office and figure that I forgot to take my change from this other lady that works at the Total garage kiosk ( I bought a coke for R 50) as I sat down to answer the phone, my favourite skirt that costed me a nice amount (I still haven't settled the account) decided to get tangled up and got stuck to the chair some how so when I stood up to fecth my glasses from the table by the door........ it tore!!!!! I want to cry about it but I can't coz I have a client waiting for a quotation sitting in front of me, and I've just realised that I made a mistake on it!! Shit!!!!


In about 20minutes I have to go pick up the lil' sister from school, I have to go fix my phone and go to the bank, oh and not forgetting how I've registered for a new course (part time) that I have to attend later on today and to top it all off I'm still not done with the shit I have to do in the office!!!!

HELP ME!!!!!!

I am....

In a previous post I mentioned something about the I am... poems being overdone , well I have one as well but I'm not sure if it's anything close to being a real poem, all I know is that I just write sometimes what I write about doesn't make much sense to me either but here goes nothing:

I'm the voice...
The voice that will speak for those who can't - the deaf, mute & of a foreign langauge
I'm the voice that draws the attention of those who think highly of themselves & have no time to listen to the people who are worthy of their listening abilities!

I'm a writer...
A writer that will make the rest of the world learn of what I have put down on paper
Coming about it verbally is very hard for our people at times
I will write for the disabled and illiterate
I offer my abilities to put pen onto paper to those who can't do it themselves!

I'm the sun...
The same sun that brightens up the days of those who who see them as to be dull, cloudy and stormy
I'll be the sun after a rainy night, I'll rise and shine so that people smile
I'll make their day pleasant so they feel there's something to look forward to the following day!

I'm the water...
The water that cleanses people's souls, the same water that God's people are baptised in to wash away their sins
The water that moistens our land to keep everything alive, the water that reflects purity and cleaness.

If one had to put me on stage, I'd be a storyteller, the open book that people can learn from, I'd wish for the magic to heal every broken heart. Let me be the star that will light the way to a more fulfilling life, make people understand that one simple smile can make up for the stream of tears that have fallen, that the power of forgiveness heals all hidden wounds.


Oh well, I tried..... I guess some of us are just good at writing bullsh*t better than other things.

How I've searched for traces of your face at every possible space
The love I felt then is still strong now
Time has past, some memories will always last
What is love lost, when I still keep you in my thoughts

What I feel for you comes from deep within
Pictures of you and I constantly flash in my mind
Emotions that I tried to hide stay visible in my eyes
Things that bring joy to ones life come with pain aswell

Taking myself back to the times when we were together
Spending time with you seemed to be one of my life's pleasures
I swore to have never felt love like that when you held me close
Loving you was like a dream, one that I wouldn't forget

You were a simple person person,
A person that shared with me the beauty of life
With flaws or not, the feeling of being loved & being in love
Always remains ever so precious and priceless

All that I could ever need then, I found in you
Life's lessons I've learned with you
Simple pleasures of love, youi've given me
My gratitude I express to you for bringing out the best of me.

Now that was 3 years ago, how that came about, I don't know even worse I don't remember loving a person that much in life at that time.

I think I would write a meaningful love piece only if I were head over heels in love with some one, which I'm not yet, so ya look out for one some time soon (I hope).

Had an interestingly dull but nice weekend but I think Friday was cool even though I don't quite remember most of it - thanks to a green bottle but atleast I came back home early ( everyone was still awake) around 11pm.

4 da love of men!

It surely must be difficult to be a man at times! To think that on the surface, you look all tough and invincible, shame!!!
This weekend, I got to thinking after looking at the people that around me and the people that I already know and a few thinks came to me.....

• A man's relationship with the woman he loves most can actually be determined by what he puts out during sex.... If you're whack - your ass is kicked to the curb and if you're good you'll get to keep her by your side a bit longer, just as long as you keep up the good work (giving her multiple orgasms at least 4 times a week).

• Men are sometimes expected to make miracles every time the girlfriend needs something, i.e: You have to stop watching the Kaiser Chiefs v/s Pirates game and your friends so and take your girlfriend to the salon to do her hair, that you have to pay for and when she comes out of the salon looking like a peacock, you are forced to smile and comment when she asks you "Baby, do you love my new hairstyle?", F*ck, you just paid R200 for something that will scare you every time you see its shadow at night.

• Then you get a please call me from this chick you've been trying to get for the past 5 months, you call her and she gives you the " Hi, I just wanted to hear your voice, where are you and what are you doing tonight?", so you drive for about 30km to go see her ( in your mind you've already pictured that you'll take her out and spend time with her) eish and when you get there she's with her 3 Friends that annoy you to hell and back and they all want to tag along to wherever you are taking her or else she can't go with you alone. So you finally agree for them to come with (and at that moment, all your boys are busy having fun without you) as you drive pass one of the friends gives your potential girlfriend a sign that they want you to buy them Smirnoff Storms (mind you these chicks drink like fish), so you take out R100 and get them what they want hoping that it will get them to shut the f*ck up. when you get to town the one sitting behind you asks that you change you Skwatta Kamp cd and put Dj Fresh 'coz they don't understand hip-hop, they just want to dance. When you get to town, the one sitting in the middle quietly hints that she is a hungry and wants Nando's, again you take out R100 to buy a full chicken,chips and rolls... they start eating in your clean car and hold your seats and windows with their greasy hands, finally you decide to take them to your friends birthday party, when they get there they start causing trouble with the other girls they found at the party ne after your friend tells them to fuck off coz they slapped his girlfriend you take them back to your place, while the friends are flipping through the channels of you DSTV you ask the potential girlfriend to come chill with you in the other room.... now after all the shit you had to put up with just for the to give you the answer you have been waiting for, for so long, she tells you the following: "Haai, you know I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years and I'm just hurt and confused, especially since I found out yesterday that he also slept with my 4 cousins so nje I don't think I'm ready for another boyfriend but we can still be friends. You - try to console her buy giving her a hug saying that it's ok, you'll give her all the time she needs to heal and as you try to sneak a kiss in there, she tells that she's on her periods (now you know 4sho that you aint getting any)... 4 days later one of your friend tells you they saw the same chick again at the club and fucked that same night, Aag shame all that trauma for nothing, don't you just hate the b*tch?

• Then some men are expected to never be broke, just because you drive the new Audi A4, live in Hill Side Manor and work at the MP government complex, women will think you are Tito Mboweni - not taking to mind that you have to pay R 4 500 for the car, R 5 000, for the flat, R 1000 for a bachelors grocery, R 2000 to stock up the fridge with booze every weekend, R 3000 for you family in the rural area, shoooo so many expenses and then your girlfriend still expects you to pay for her R 300 manicure, R 200 pedicure, R 300 weave, R 1 500 truworths account, R 800 petrol for a month and still take her out every second day coz she's lazy to cook.

• And finally, most women simply think that men don't know what love is and that they don't feel any emotions - that not on right? I think out there, some men actually do hurt as much as women do when they are dumped or have been cheated on or what ever the case may be but bottom line is they are human as well and they do cry (sometimes, even though some may hide it), so ladies.... give your men a break at least once and be nice to them, pamper them, show them love and make them feel special, that way they can't really complain when you blow they're monthly salary in one week.

Could've been love!

Found myself listening to ama-slow jam while trying to figure out what I was feeling @ that time...
I took a look in the mirror and saw what hadn't been there for a long time, my eyes had lit up. I skipped to the next track... and was like shit, Eryka Badu doing my favourite song " I'm in love with you", it seemed to be the perfect description of how my heart was feeling.

It was after a very long day, closing my eyes and letting my body and mind rest was the only good thing I could do for myself.

As I started drifting to la-la land I stopped halfway there and reminded myself to dream about him, it was what he had asked me to do when he turned to walk away. He had occupied my mind more often than not in that one day, even with his cheesy pick up lines.... still I was impressed by him.

I had only met his 5 hour earlier that day, already I was seeing myself sharing life with him for years to come. In my dream I had images of him in different scenarios - he was perfect in every sense. I had convinced myself a long time ago that I'm one who believed not in love at first sight, he made me smile, I liked him.

Unsure if I should, I waited in vain for his call - he said he would! Days later, word around campus was he had finally met the woman he'd love with all of him. She was all he spoke about to his friends and that woman was me.

A letter he wrote said he had found his happiness but he couldn't give her the love she needed and that he couldn't live life as he would like to so he cut himself just to see his blood gush out of his body, stopping his heart from beating. He said that his blood was keeping him away from his happiness.

He never gave himself a chance and I, I, I........How would life be with him? I loved him and he died before I could let him know and the last I could say to him as we viewed the lifeless body was it could've been..... R.I.P

Mzansi's Artists!

Poetry - beautiful, inspiring and touching!!!

In the last 5 years we've seen much needed change in the poetry and hip-hop scene right here e-Mzansi and really some have done quite well and some, eish...

But here's what I trying to say, and this has been a topic eshisayo between Splacka, Blaque, AfroSLiQ Diva and Kwaki:
In the past many poets did the whole "I am African", "I am woman", "Jozi streets by night", "Poverty", "The Apartheid...." and nje I could go on and on but for how long must certain poets be on that tip? Aren't there other things people can write about? Unless they are planning on keeping it to themselves, I'm cool with it but if they wanna share it with people who are willing to listen to you than they must try other topics.

And then there is hip-hop and the battle yakhona with the underground catz "beefing" with mainstream catz....

Q. How long are they going to be underground if they want to do it professionally and want to be heard, not only by the underground movement but by the masses as well? I mean underground - you can't even make enough to buy a skateboard! (Not a fact, just my thoughts)

And what is it with the attitude from underground hip-hop artists?

"All women are b*tches", "mainstream hip-hop artists are sell-outs and can't freestyle" - I swear the most that I've met are like that, almost like they are living in another planet nje.... all I'm saying is: they can record as many albums as they want and be in the "studio" 24/7/36 x 4 all they want but the music industry is like a game of chess so shem bom'rapper abahle, just deal with it if you want to ever get any airplay. Not forgetting how difficult it is sometimes to understand some of their lyrics 'coz of all the metaphors and shit, I know ya'll are all for being "deep" mara haai - sometimes it sounds like a bunch of words collected from the incyclopedia version dictionary and some of us are so slow that we have to listen to the same track 8 times before we actually get what ya'll are sayin.

A lot of us if not all of us can speak the queen's language but damn ya'll are just on some other level - 4sho!

Ya'll are talented 4sho but don't hide it from the world, ne!!! and haai kabi ne, but some of ya'll need to shower more often - I got mad love for hip-hop artists but I'm just sayin'.

Truth is African poets and musicians a damn talented, yet some of that talent is not being recognised and natured the way it deserves to be and many a times we're made to believe that the only people that have talent are the ones we see on TV and personally I beg to differ.

And finally I agree with KasieKulture - just because some scwelebritiz like poetry, that doesn't make them poets and in fact, some are just far from it. I'm still to hear an all round celebrity do an original piece but 'til then I don't really believe anything I hear from South African Scwelebz!!!