Monday ~ About the WeekenD

I did absolutely nothing this weekend, I did the spring cleaning thing and I felt really good about it afterwards. I even changed the bed's position and stuff, yeah... that was cool!

On Friday... my day was pwetty much fcuked up I guess, was tired and hungry 'coz I never got time to sit and have breakfast or lunch so basically the only meal I had on Friday was supper ( that was not fully cooked coz I was just in a hurry to chow) and the thing about it is that I only felt like having something I made myself ( I'm quite the cook at times) so takeaways just wouldn't have done!

Went to deliver an invite for the Holy Nigga, quite an office they have there.... the life on Journos!

Considered the possibility of me doing a shwashi/gossip like mag for Mpumalanga people, I mean we do have our own "celebs" around here and the entertainment scene is picking up (slowly but surely) so ya, I think it is about time.... or Ziwaphi could just employ me to do my version of the Bitch's Brew and the Agony Aunt thingy - they don't have it, yet!!!

I did NOT drink this weekend! I'm still trying to understand why........

Oh, and chick friend pissed the isht outta me on Saturday so I guess I won't be calling her ass again!

**** Imagine, you are in deep sleep with BF next to you and ex shag-mate (that you haven't shagged for months before you even met current BF) calls around 2a.m asking what you are doing, you tell him that you are sleeping and your BF is next to you! He rants and decides to come to your place anyways and knocks for about 20minutes, despite you ignoring him ( and hoping he goes away) about 10 minutes later you decide to go tell him where to get the fcuk off.... then he says you are the who said he must come over and some shit like that, blah, blah while BF (who knows that you have some history with the other guy) is listening to the conversation. Eventually he leaves and when you jump back in bed BF is so angry at you, he doesn't even want to talk/touch or look at you! Comes morning and then the confrontation takes place and it doesn't matter what you say.... it just doesn't convince BF that you are not cheating on his ass!

Ya ne!!!

With that I'd like to say to ex shag-mate..... thank you for fcuking isht up for me, I hope you get hit by a bus one day! Eat shit, drink piss and hang yourself!!!

Friday ~ finally

Had to work late yesterday - again!

And will be on the road for the rest of today!

Heard that there's a "Mini skirt & Cleavage" Party going on tomorrow, the thought of myself in a mini skirt is just funny, I haven't worn those in a long, long time!

This weekend, I just want to rest.... I feel tired for some reason I don't know and I need to do the whole spring-cleaning thing on Saturday - isn't it autumn or some season now???!

Happy Weekend People!

Thurshhhday - Blah

I just got my ass electrocuted by our electric fence thing..... Was talking to neighbour and asked him to pass me matches and I touched the damn thing. I wanted to cry, then I remembered that I don't look pwetty when I cry!

Funny thing that happened yesterday as I was driving around delivering invites, the car I was using kept switching off at almost every robot I stopped at! I laughed at myself really, it was so obvious that it was driving a borrowed car...

I just have to mention again that government employees are some of the laziest employees I have met. They just sit there, chatting to their friends on the phone, Typing their Unisa Assignments and still get paid every month... they seriously piss me off, coz when I try calling there - the phone is constantly engaged and when I do eventually get through, they redirect your call and make you hold for a long time. Some are at the mall during working hours and still have a 2hour lunch break, at 15h30 they are already making way home and they are meant to knock off at 16h20!!!

Yesterday I struggled to get anything done, I was at those offices for more than an hour!!!

Ok, still working.......

Later

**PS** When I say Government employees, I mean the ones that work for the Mpumalanga Provincial Government @ the Riverside GVT Boulevard, unless they are like that everywhere!

Working late & fast food for supper! ~ Wednesday

I knocked off work @ 9.30pm or so last night..... that was not nice, missed a dinner thing with a friend coz of it! I was really looking forward to have good wine with some good seafood but I had to do a KFC burger instead.

Fell asleep while trying to eat and watch Cheaters at the same time, then it hit me again - living alone can sure suck at times. If I had BF staying with me, I would've had supper and a good shag waiting for me when I got home! LoL, plus it was a bit chilly at night, I warmed up my bed with a hot-water bottle... yes, I still use those! Electric blankets are strange for me, I'm old-school.

So, I'm still gon' be busy with calling & sending invites to people for an upcoming awards function for some Export something something.

HP says he hates it that I talk about our isht with "strangers"....... as if they know who he is!!! Ya right...

I watched ( for the 11th time) Two can play that game (starring Vivica A. Fox and Morris Chestnut) on Saturday with HP and there is a line there that says that the first sign that shows that your man is cheating is when he calls and says "I have to work late" or "I was working late" whatever.....

Well, I'll be working late most days till this event is through and I sure as hell hope HP doesn't thinks that something freaky is goin on.

And now I'm having Oreos for breakfast - great!

Later people

Him, the weekend and us!

I'm getting bored if my "perfect" relationship..........

I'm getting more sick of people saying things like "oh gosh, you guys look so beautiful together", "I love how you guys get along", "Khensani, do NOT fuck this one up, you won't get another man to love you like this!".... Aaaaah, wish they would stop coz now it's like too many people are on the look out for every isht that me & HP get up to!

I tried pissing him off on Friday by going somewhere and getting smashed in company of other men then called him @ around 4:30am and demanded sex.... ha, ha, ha and guess what, he was all so calm. On some "If you are gon' go out somewhere on a drinking spree shit, atleast tell me where you are. I won't stop you from doing your shit, I met you drunk anyways so ya, did you have fun?" Like fokitt already for being sweet and shit!

I lurvz him and all but I'm getting bored coz everything is just so perfect... not that I want him to cheat on my ass but some drama would be night, maybe it'll make me appreciate havin him more - is that as insane as my brother thinks it is???

I was hungover for 2 days......

Free booze is it man, I hardly get that smashed when I'm paying for the booze!!!

Anyhooo.... I'm swamped with work so haven't had time to do any other isht.

Oh and I met a prostitute..... Oh my gosh...... is all I have to say!

ThursDay..... I want money, money, money!

Ha......



Today is the day I reevaluate what I really want in life!



(On way to work, I saw one of my ex's cruising past in the new Land Rover Freelander, this is a person who really struggled to pass matric and I love that car! I can say that he is not the most wisest of people)



I know jealousy makes one nasty but fuck it man I need to be making money asap!!!



Ok, here's what I realised this morning..... the S.A economy is trying to take out the middle-class person, right now it's like you are either making a lot of money or you are making enough just to pay your rent/bond, car, food and other necessities. Luxuries like going out 3 times a week and ordering expensive lobster (yum) do not fit in your budget @ all - that is where I am right now... soon people like me will be classified as poor! I tell ya, there'll be just two kinds if standards - Rich and Poor! You have an 8am - 4pm office job but you'll be ranked on the same level with domestic workers!!!

Have ya'll ever notice how much you spend on drinks @ say News cafe when you're out with friends????? Those pinkish-colourful cocktail, martinis and whiskeys are blurdy expensive!

That will be the reason I stock up on wine and beer @ the bottle store and chill @ my place with friends. I even opt to cook something or braai instead of going out to some restaurant and spending about R 800 - R 1000 on food and drinks! I can spend half that amount, make a mean salad, braai meat, cream-corn pap & chakalaka and still have fun, listening to my choice of music!

This is life in S.A people.... I often complain of how broke I am and isht, but I saw a family that has to survive on R300 a month - that is no joke!!!!

Ok basically this was about me finding new ways of making extra money on the side....... and in case one of ya'll wanted to give advice on how, please scratch being a hooker out of the list!

WednesDay ~ BF has Flu

BF can be a shameless idiot sometimes....

So he has the flu, when I called him yesterday he was speaking in this tiny voice and as if he is slowly seeing the white light at the end of the tunnel... When I asked him what him being sick had anything to do with me, he begged that I go past his place on my way home!

When I got there the man was in pyjamas and thick socks.... it was drizzling a bit but trust me it wasn't cold @ all. So I get there and am like - "ya, so for what did you want me to come here for?"

Turns out that he wanted me to make him supper... him together with his brother (they live together)! These men don't cook, I went with then to do their grocery shopping a week ago and they have never cooked since. If it is not take aways, it's a quick sandwich. Now the only time he eats a home cooked meal is when he visits me....... Great now I'm their cooking-lady!

Would you believe what a tiny flu does to a man.... they act like kids when their are sick!

One mistake though was when he mentioned that he thinks we should move in together so I could look after him..................... WHAT????

Never!!!

Ok not never but not anytime soon, not this year.... "we' are still new - like 4 months old. Plus he has these little badish habits that make me cringe at times, imagine me having to "get used" to those, oh hell no! When he comes over for a weekend I have to tell him to pick this up, don't do that, rinse the glass before and after you use it, he is just messy..... Grrrr!!!! And he does piss me off half the time but I lurvs him to bits!!!!

So today again after work I have to go past his place - he asked if I could bring him that M&B Oriental Burger & fruit!!! Shame.... last week I made him wake up & race across town get me some Mybulen & Norflex so I'll be nice to him!!!!

Tuesday ~

It has been about 2 to 3 years since I last put a comb or brush in my hair...... and my hair is about 27cm right about know!

I was caught in some drama between the Abuja and Lagos Naija cartels.... he, he (I like the sound of that), no seriously now - these guys are from Nigeria and they all deal in drugs and isht like that and they are making a killing out of these teenagers and "celebs" that do coke and so on! One even drives a Lamborghini, the other an Astin Martin... oh and they own "shops"... the ones that sell Louis Vitton & Gucci for about R100.... Yup, R100!

These guys drink and eat expensive.

Funny thing is that men from countries like Nigeria are convinced that South African women are cheap and easy, all they have to do is flash a bit of money and they hit a home run!!!! That actually pissed me off - ya I know they are women like that but they mustn't generalise, upon meeting them I saw that they had the same impression about me! Shooo, as I was telling them off... I almost threw a glass of whiskey at the other huge guy ( cannot remember his name)... and then I remembered that one mustn't waste good alcohol.

Truth be told though, what some other skanky women do sets a bad example of South African women. I, for one am not cheap and I am so not a gold-digger. If I were I'd be dating a guy who atleast has a job that pays him a 6 digit figure, and with that paying my rent, groceries and clothing!!!!

On Saturday I saw a good example of a gold-digger but I was too smashed to say anything that made sense but I do remember saying this to her "S'febe uzobhejiwa wena, lo unepipi elikhulu.. phela owase Naija". Translation... "Biatch, Ur ass is gon get shagged buy a big ass dick coz the dude is from Naija"... and she did! Her pine-tree hairstyle was flattened after that!

New Week - Monday ~

My butt is sore... I suspect that I might taken a tumble somewhere somehow! I wish not to talk about Saturday night! Apparently I had a few moemish moments!!!

I remember seeing people dancing in slow motion and reverse... and walking a distance of about a kilometer, they say I was yelling out that I wanted to go home! Then HP & brother came fetch me! He says I woke him up at about 3.30a.m and I was crying 'coz I drank too much.

I felt very strange when I woke up @ my place.... Maybe someone spiked my drink, I swear! I hardly remember anything! Oh and they said I was bitch-slapping some girl - reason = still unknown!!!! I must have been pissed off, I think!!!!!

Am busy with a crossword puzzle right now.... about 4 word then I'll be done!!!

Ya neh!

Happy Monday :-)

Thursday ~

And then there was light.....

Load shedding since 08H00 till about 5 minutes ago! That sucked, if only it waited till an hour before knock-off time!

Now my day begins!

On a serious note though, are you guys not worried about Zim? I know I've asked this before but ya I think S.A will be affected by whatever that happens in Mugabeland..... Most people from Zim are having it hard in S.A but they say that being here here is better than being in their own country! Shame!!!

Now....

Here is something else:


History Mystery

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F.
Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?

Wedneday ~ @ work

I'm blank..........

Busy with a proposal for some official opening of the new Nelspruit 2010 Offices, they want us to come up with a theme - duh, there can only be one theme.... the 2010 Soccer World cup shit???

So now I am trying to put that in a nice proff-like way... ey, I don't do decor - we get someone to do it and that person's phone is off!!!

Me & boss person are trying to see our way out of this and all my ideas are being turned down - not sure if it because I am in lazy mode or that she simply doesn't like them!!! But she makes me think dull anyways coz "they" wanna be the ones who shine brighter than the weird looking girl they send everywhere else!

Ok, sounds like the best time to start looking for another job as this one sucks big time! I love it but the bosses make it the worst job to have and I am done trying to be "employee of the year"... so no more sucking up!

I'll quit before they decide to fire me!!! Hee, hee

Then put pee in the petrol tanks!

Ey I almost died yesterday.... 4 real, I was driving a car that had brake problem or the were not there at all! I don't know how I always manage to save my ass, but I did.... when I got back to the office I slammed the car door and chucked the keys in a not do nice way, almost broke something!!!!

I had almost lost my life! I think what traumatised me the most was the fact that I was gon' die sober, Imagine that!

Ok, back to work now......

If I had to translate this into English... It just wouldn't sound the same! Sorry!!!

PHEZU KWABO!!!!


Madoda musani ukudlala ngabantu besimame nize nivuke ekuseni nizelule sengathi lukhulu enilwenzile kanti lutho. Okokuqala nje musani ukuchatha ngeSunlight Soap. Uma uyindoda chatha ngembiza yokushubisa imizwa. Uma ungenayo noma ungazi ukuthi uzoyitholaphi buza kwabaziyo. Nakhu ke okumele ukwenze uma uyindoda efuna ukuthandwa ngempela ngothandiwe wakho.

1. Mbuze ukuthi ufuna umbhebhe ngakuphi umbuze futhi ukuthi ufuna ufende usheshise yini noma cha.

2. Mbuze ukuthi uyakujabulela yini uma ugudlisa ikhinqi emalebeni, ukuxoxa kwenza ungasheshi uchithe.


3. Mtshele angabi nahloni ayisho into uma ingamphathi kahle, njengokuthundela emlonyeni.


4. Mthintathinte kamnandi esithweni sakhe sangasese uze ukhothe ubhontshisi ngolwimi, uwuncelisise aze achame noma kathathu.

Akunankinga ngiyazi ukuthi uzobe esekujaha ukuthi nibhebhane, muzibe sengathi awumuboni.


5. Noma usungamyeka manje ukumncela, muncele ibele esinye isandla asimnwaye inkomo slowly ungabi idlabha (Don’t be rough) because that area is very sensitive.


6. Yaneliseka ukuthi useqhanyelwe ngokwanele, uyakwazi ukumbona.


7. Thathake umthondo uwugudlise phezu kabhontshisi aze aphefumulele Phezulu. Bhasobha ungawufaki wonke umthondo phakathi ngoba uzohluleka ukuzibamba uvele uchame. Take your time, ufake kahle phakathi uwukhiphe futhi kahle slowly. Otherwise uma usheshisa Ngeke umuzwe kahle ukuthi umnandi noma cha.


8. Uwufake phakathi ufende kahlanu noma ngaphezulu kancane. Ungatatazeli.


9. Mufende kahle ungasheshi futhi ungabi too slow, Don’t forget to tell her uma uzwa ukuthi ungahle udubule, uma engakathandi ukuthi uchame, ukhiphe umthondo ushaywe umoya, uphinde uwubuyisele.


10. Kubalulekile futhi ukwazi ukuthi uthanda ukufendwa asheshiwe noma cha, ngoba kungenzeka ulingisa inkukhu nje wehlulwa yigolo, ulokhu uzincoma uthi uyakwazi kanti uyinhlabathi nje.


11. Qiniseka ukuthi uyachama before nawe uchame. Umenza konke lokhu nje uyamthintathinta ezingonweni zamabele, umkhothe nase mqaleni. Musa ukumenza ilovebite. Yiba yindoda ezwanayo nama blue movies “Sex Vidoes”


12. UNGALINGE UKHOHLWE UKUCELA UMUDLA NGEMUVA. PHELA ILA UBUMNANDI BUKHONA FUTHI NAYE UYATHANDA UKUDLIWA NGEMUVA.


13. Qiniseka ukuthi uyamuzwa uma echama ngoba kuyingozi ukumshiya engachamile, phela uketshezi luyashisa uma lungaphumanga lonke, ungabona esekufebela kanti nguwe ovule amathuba.


14. Ungesabi ukumphenya inkomo yakhe, uyibukisise uze uyidlalise ngeminwe yakho, phela abantu besilisa ayesaba ukuyivula kuze kube ngcono amadoda.


15. Make sure that umdlalisa ngokwanele ngaphambi kokuba ufake uhalakasha lwakho lolu ukuze asheshe achame, mnike umthondo adlale ngawo, ube yi toys lakhe.


16. Akongiwa umfazi, uma ungamudli namuhla umbekele bani, inkomo ngeyokuhlatshwa noma engafuni, mbhebhe ngendlela yokuthi angakuqhathanisi namuntu.


17. Musa ukuba nesikhathi sokubhebha umkakho, ungalindi kuze kuyolalwa, noma umfica ekhishini khwela phezu kwakhe.


18. Kumele ngabe uyamazi ukuthi yini ayithandayo, menze leyonto ayithandayo, this is sex ingeyenu nobabili.


19. Livule lonke igolo lomkakho, (kodwa abanye banamahloni) faka ulimi lwakho embotsheni, uncele umsunu, amalebe ngiqinisile ngithi kuwe, noma ecabanga ubufebe akasoze ngoba nguwe wedwa omudla ngaleyondlela.


20. Uma kwenzeke iphutha uNoxolo wacela ukuthi umbhebhe, yenza njalo, bese uthi ungena nje kumkakho ube umbingelela ngawo, kuyokuthatha isikhathi eside ukuthi ungathundi ngoba kade uqeda kuthunda kuNoxolo.


UMA UWALALELE LAMAZWI UYOBA INDODA EMADODENI. NGEKE FUTHI ABATSHELE ABANGANI BAKHE UKUTHI UYANELE NOMA CHA YINI OCANSINI NGOBA LOKHO KOMDALELA INKINGA ABANGANI BAKHE SEBEFUNA UKUZWA NABO LENTO OYIZWAYO. WENA OWESABA UKUKHOTHA UMKAKHO AWUKAQALI UKUMBHEBHA, BAZOKUBHEBHELA YENA.


And there it is, the black men have spoken!!!


***If someone feels they want to try and translate this into English.... do try***

On a Poetic Tip!!!

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.

I say, It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.

I say, It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

PS: No worries, I stole this poem & I aint ashamed to even say it........ But it sure is a nice one!!!

Nice enough to make make the "exotic lookinglike- women" feel good about themselves! (I do mean that in the most nicest way as I sometimes fall under the same category - ya right!)

Go Maya.....

TuesDay ~

I can't believe it's friggin April fool's and I have had a good laugh yet!

And I haven't sent any of my stupidtext messages to anyone yet! I need some inspiration. Ooh, I was so shocked to learn that BF @ age 25 doesn't have a driver's license..... or a learner's - my gosh at this day and age!!!!

The whole skate-cooper thing was cute and havin his brother chauffeuring us around was nice, but the brother can't drive! Can you believeIt? Seriously now!!!


So yesterday he tells moi that he went to by that stupid K53 book so he can get his learners..... told him that is the most dumbest thing ever coz everyone knows that the book doesn't help much!

Oh but... see what happens when a person chills with people who do Lokshin Management & have no future plans whatsoever??? They drag you down with them! They don't wanna go to school, they "can't" get a job coz of o'ngamla mana cheese-boy get all the good jobs, Like duh! What do the expect when they don't even have a matric certificate??? So BF made good decision to quit that life, move to Nelspruit, find a job, fall in lurv with Khensani and then do the rest of the things he has been wanting to do, one at a time!!!!!