Love issues!

Yesterday, while reading Kwaki's blog I had thoughts about this whole love thing and they really contradicted each other. It was like a big part of me agrees with him and that part of me is anti-relationships but at the same time I was....... (I can't put it into words but it was a certain feeling).

Women can be B?*@tYF#*ck? at times more especially when they know for sure that they are loved and adored!!! It's like they get too comfortable so much that they stop putting effort and work into the relationship that they have with the men in their lives, like they have this thing in their minds that "He loves me too much to leave me" and "he'll do anything for me" - well I think that is when certain women need a wake up call that it's actually not all about them and the men just need to show them the world definitely doesn't evolve around them, you know make them pay a bit more attention to the relationship and for a change make women sweat trying to keep their men happy - not the other way around!!!

I should know, I've done fucked shit before and yes I admit to it ( lately, I think I've been hit with "the truth serum"). I was in a relationship with probably one of the few most good men out there and I became evil after that.... I expected him to do the impossible at times and sometimes the poor guy would drive all the way to come see me and I would be pissed off at him for no reason at all, basically I mad his life hell for nothing!!! I knew he loved me and maybe worshipped the ground I walked on (I'd like to think) but that made me think fuck I can do anything and this guy will still love me! I dumped him - I don't know the real reason why but I had a good explanation for it at that time and now I'm at a point where I've got my eye on some one else and I don't even know if this person likes me and to be honest I was starting to feel a bit desperate in a way... When I saw love - I didn't want it and now that I'm looking for it - it doesn't want me!!!

I'm not sure what I want really.... the one day I wake up and have this "Fuck Love & Relationships" and the next I'll be miserable 'coz I'm so lonely and I'll want to find someone to love and to be loved back the same way!!!
In some way its true when they say that - once a guy treats you well and is a sweet,loving, caring gentleman, some women think his dumb, you stop seeing him as a lover but when he is an asshole - cursing at you and you catching him a another chick every now and then , you chase after him like a ???? (don't have a word for it) but basically the guy will treat you like crap and you'd still think he's the best thing to ever happen to you!!!! How fucked is that?

K - I don't know what you think about me but I wish you would give me your most valued comment on my issue!!! And yes I know I'm f@*&d up like that.