BLooDY long as week'endZ!!!

Good newZ!!!!

I'm moving outta home tomorrow - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!!!

Apparently that means more responsibilities, obligation to buy own grocery, FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE, sleep-overs (less quickies, more.....), saying to people "I'm at my PLACE, not home", decorating the lounge & bedroom the way I wanna!!!!!!!!!

Bad Newz!!!

I'm broke already and I haven't even moved out of home,
No more luxuries and knowing that I'll never be hungry coz I'm @ home
Cleaning and washing (have to leave the maid at home)
Cooking home made meals to avoid expensive take-aways that will leave me broke
Travelling to work on my own........

This will be like playing Survivor for me coz well other than the time I tried living with a boyfriend for a month or so in Durbz and being at hostel in high school, well I've never lived out of home or by myself so ya, I do hope I don't fuck this up or they'll never trust me to be "Responsible".

This long weekend was a rather lazy one - Thursday, we did fokol but drink Johnnie Walker - Black with the crew, Friday went to a small party were one of my guy friends went on some drama tip (making this other chick's boyfriend pay for his Savanna's that she drank) well not that he couldn't6 afford more, its just that he was a bit mad coz the chicks boyfriend showed up while he was trying to charma the girl - Ah jo askies, maar nawe you know that aint nobody flying solo these days!!! Saturday did nothing but learn how to roll a joint, got high, watched 8 movies and ate, Sunday - same shit and Today - I'm at work, my boss tuned me shit, I almost cried then though nah.... did my work, didn't take a lunch break so now I'm starving!!!! And oh I had R40 to survive with the whole weekend!!!

Hey I know this chick from SD and she claims that Snoop is her uncle, imagine that. Me being me I tried finding out how they were related but never got an answer but don't be scared I shall find out for the people and check this out she lives right here in Nelspruit - meaning that Snoop might just decide to come visit his niece sometime soon...... I doubt very much but I wanna catch her out on her own lie! Imagine if I had to start claiming that Jigga man is my half brother, that I talk to everyday and visit 4 times a year and none of my friends have seen him????? RIGHT!!!!

I'm gonna be childish for a bit and you know what I actually like pissing off people, it makes them tell the truth without having to think about a long story line!!!!!

Tshwarelo's friend - You said I must remind you to tell me something about someone..... Don't keep the Diva waiting.........

One of my friends will be buying "umkhumbi wezi febe" (microbus or caravelle) soon and I can't wait to abuse it!!!! Wishing all that breaths a good week filled with love, peace and respeK!!!

TrieD and TesteD!

So most of us don't like getting anything we know nothing about, right? Like once you here about a certain product that one or two people have tried out and worked wonders for them, then you'll go for it!

The simple theory of tried and tested!

Now I remembered a certain sitch that went down some three years back and ya it was not nice but I got over it!
See I sometimes have this problem of over-sharing information mostly about my relationships and shit to "friends" and I saw that as ok coz I hardly keep things hidden or bottled in my heart/ mind - whatever! So as friends chilling we would talk about our mates/boo'z/partners/bootycalls/flings, the sex, the love etc... openly and we would laugh about it!

I happened to be hooked up with Quan @ that time and I loved talkin about... yes he was that interesting and I would share details of our sessions with my girls, little did I know that as I'm busy talkin about my stunts this other chick is busy scheming!!! SO long story short - I walked in on her and Quan shagging and did the whole "What are you doing"? "How dare you"? shit - sudden reactions!

I was friggin shocked and very upset. Later when I broke the news to the rest of the crew they were ready to give the that thing bitch slaps and beat downs but Tshepo - a friend too pointed out that I'm probably the reason she fucked my man.... asked how and he said that I keep telling them (her included) of how good the shags were and that made her want to find out herself if he really was that gifted! Okay point taken but she still deserved to be bitch slapped for going behind my back and doing my boo, so I beat her up anyways - for disrespecting our friendship more than the fact the I saw my man's hairy ass doing the bump and grind on her!!!

Kwaki and I spoke about this shit sometime back and telling stories of how many times it has been proven - especially by women!!! they want what has been tried and tested, dude you better have references when you come mack on my ass!!! If no woman around town can openly say that you laid them well - eish, finding a woman that will be too keen to let tap her will be a mission! But if they are one or two chicks who will confess about how good you are - chances are females will be sending you "Please call "shag" on 073 445 1121"!!!

That's being a man for you! If you had to hear 3,4 guys talkin about a chick and how she works her goon - chances are you'd think "nah, she's a whore"!!!

Oh ya, the chick and I are still friends - not so close coz I'll never let her 5feet close to my boo, but we're friends!!! And they guy..... well I found better after that incident, still has the nerve to call and send lovey sms' to me but he aint getting none of my shit 4sho!!!

29 DayZ Later!

I SUCK!!!
I AM A HORNY WEAKLING!!!

There I confess... I tried & I couldn't do it!!!

Kwaki, please no "I told You so" shit from you ne!!!

That Saturday party was too hott & I wish I could blame my weakness on booze but I won't coz I know that it had nothing to do with it!!!

The details of that night cannot be put in writing, you just had to be there & see for yourself!!!

I could hate myself for being a freak but nah I love everything about it!!

The foundation that Kwaki started for me mustn't be ruled out yet coz I'm planning on paying for my sins..... so I'm gonna punish myself and sexually frustrate my self for a while!!!

Yes, I don't myself too!!!!!

4 da mind!

Day 25...... not a sign of itswayi!

For all those who need to be schooled - check out Kasiekulture.blogspot.com and yodemo.blogspot.com today!!!! Kuyashisa vandag- class is in session!

While still at being schooled.... Is there a college or institute or module of some sort that will teach women some course so we can get some insight of how the male mind works - I just might be in need for one 'coz trying to figure out what goes on in some men's minds is becoming difficult by the day. Not long ago I thought I was on track and I've just realise that I'm far from it - damn! Even pulling the lesbian stunt wasn't this hard...

Part of the reason why I decided on this celibacy shit was because I kept finding myself a bit confused trying to understand what this man's intentions were and I didn't want to be in that "emotional roller coaster" again.

So now single & celibate is my hype right, not forgetting honesty!!! Yet when I tried to be honest about my feelings and plans with the men I've had in my life most of them thought Ah, drama - drama and if they did not kutsa nge 220 they stop callin .... until the cunt is horny!!! Hella Brotha man I don't do 1 night stands, you either a bootycall on stand-by as per our agreement or you're a boyfriend!!!

Ya and some men when you tune them that hey phela things are getting to the heart they think Yo, Yo, Yo - which is normal coz really thinking about it if what brought you guys together what cheating on your mates, what makes you think shit will be perfect when you decide to get into a serious relationship with a bootycall - if your thoughts were "but now we are in love and we won't cheat on each other" then you have problems and you're a tad more insane than Jacklyn Hyde.

But today I felt like punching myself when I realised that my sweet efforts were made to look weak and petty.... I felt like a high school kid trying to flirt with the headboy in Grade 12!!! I dialled a number and when the phone was answered I pulled the "hey, how are you... no, eish I was just sayin hi! U'grand, sharp" line - How pathetic, even for me - at my age! Shit I've lost my touch!!! But then it could be the fact that I didn't really have anything to say, I just wanted to bug the dude kancane or maybe just to hear his voice - for what? I don't know really- Silly huh?

Congratzzzzzz to my 22year old cousin who finally decided to lose HIS virginity to his girlfriend of 3years!!! The poor guy confessed to not knowing what to do even after years of watching the KarmaSutra and Hot Black Ladies for white dicks!!! Usukhulile Mfana!!! Turns out the girlfriend did all the work while my cousin laid back and learned!!!

Later!

Say w'w'what!

Day 24 and I'm still good!

No millions & definitely no gennie in a bottle either!

So my friend tells me that I was on some other tip on Saturday and I simply just don't remember much about that night. Not long after confessing that I cannot dance, Khauki tells me that I did, I looked funny but I danced to some other house song... weird!!! I do remember telling a chick to chill with the nigga hunting coz she was starting to irritate a hell lotta people!

That Amstel/Heineken feud or what ever that's goin' on must end soon otherwise some of us will be very upset... I know you're probably like "so what if She's upset? What is she gonna do about it?" Bona wena I've got an answer for you....... I'll , I'll, I'll quit drinking all together and become this highly moral pest that will preach to everyone else who cares to listen that alcohol is bad! Not that they will listen but nje I'm just gonna bug them for the fuck of it!!!

Apparently a lot of other drama went down at that party and I missed it all - coz I was DANCING, unbelievable!!! People, the next time ya'll see me on the dance floor.... PLEASE, drag me away..... It's one thing being sloshed and dancing at the usual spot maar not in public!

Freedom Day is coming up soon for us South Africans, so what do normal people usually do on Freedom Day? I know Government events will be on but what else? I'll be working at one of them for MP, If anybody is planning a hectic party... Hollar!!!! And I promise not to dance!

Diva

One, Two, Three wisheZ

Read something about how to make millions on Yo demo, ya ne..... I do need $$$$ and lots of it!!!

Khauki, a friend of mine is planning a surprise birthday thingy for herself... & I can't wait to see the surprised look on her face when we all yell "SURPRISE"!!! hee, hee, hee - hilarious!

Whatever happened to Ali Babba's magic oil lamp with that geenie man inside coz I sure could use one, only with a few more wishes to grant!!!

If I had to come across one somehow.... I'd wish for the following:

• A black Mustang.... American Muscle baby, or 7 cars I can name Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday, Friday, Weekend Lover & Baby!
• The PS3, 2 Quad bikes and a yatch
• An extremely large sound-proof house on a farm, with all the nice extras all rooms with en-suite, 3 sexy butlers and accommodate 27 friends or an Island I can name after the man who gave me multiple orgasms (joke)
• To get my hands on the truth serum so I can figure out if that dude is lying or not,
• To come up with one of the world's greatest inventions - what - I don't know yet,
• A year's long vacation with my 9 good friends around the world
• The "Legend" (my dad) to come to life again and give his cute daughter a hug
• A straight, sane, single man with no drama, attachments that can do a freestyle about anything to any beat and still make sense,
• For Amstel & Heiniken to resolve whatever they are beefing about so that the rest of us can be happy again coz Bavaria aint doing the job 4 me - Amstel is still the best,
• And obviously be president for a week - only to change a few things and then be the normal Khensy plotting my missions for the weekend!!!!!!!

See I'm not too demanding but If that Gennie dude doesn't come my way that that essay on how to make millions better do the trick!!!

Day 23, today!

DecisionZ!

See, there comes a time in a persons when they have to make certain decisions... for whatever reason they may have!!!!!!

I've made mine - being celibate for the next 6 months.... I'm on 22 days already and ya it feels kinda good making myself suffer but you know what I am in someway enjoying it especially the reaction on some peoples faces every time I tell them about my celibacy mission!!! Ya!

Kwaki says that I'm just lying to myself and I won't be able to pull it off for that long - guess we'll just have to wait and see - right! But thinking about all those cold winter nights all by myself...... eish, talk about bad timing to carry out mission - code name: celibacy 001 & to top that I'm finally moving out of home in 2 weeks... just me, myself & I in that apartment! ya ne, sho!!! But I have to stick it out 'coz if I don't I'll personally brand myself as a weakling that couldn't see a simple task through & I don't want that so I'm forced!

I made a prediction about a drama situation that I foresaw going down - it happened sooner than I had thought, Khauki didn't believe me & well it came true... I just forgot to bet on it so I could cash in.... damn my slow mind at times!!!! But the laugh I had will just do for now!

Hey Kasie & Tswarelo.... Thanx 4 da replies/comments, much valued and ya I went into "Between Friends" - so shweeeeeeet!

QuEstioNz!

See, I've been meaning to ask Kasie & Yo demo a question! Firstly though... we all have been in relationships or something close to one right and for me personally I've had difficulty pretending to be interested in whatever the person I'm dating might be saying especially if it has nothing to do with the things that would actually spark a conversation from me! I'm not a complicated person - I'd like to think... I talk, a lot, it's a fact (mostly after a few drinks) however I don't just blurb about shit that doesn't make sense to either of us (unless I'm with friends)!

I've ended a few relationships with extremely good looking & loaded people for the simple reason that I did NOT enjoy having a decent conversation with them, they just bored the hair out of my scalp - for real! So, I'd be on a "date" and this person would just keep telling me how his friend is so amazing, how much he earns a month, which car he wants to buy and how his ex broke his heart as a result he has been hurt & doesn't fully trust women and that kind of bullsh*t - like really now!!!! I don't go talking about my ex with my next boo to be - unless if he does ask about the guy - but ex's are meant to be in the past, aren't they?

Back to my point..... I haven't met kasie or tswarelo personally but I figured that they are very intelligent, now my question is: What do you do when you meet what looks like the woman of your fantasies - looks, body & all but as soon as you start talking to her, you find that she is just not IT, she's blond and you keep wishing she would just keep quiet long enough for you to see if she might be talented in other areas!....

Do you still go out with her for the reason that she looks good? or Do you let her go 'coz you have absolutely have nothing in common and her conversation makes you feel as if your mind is not functioning quite well?

Really thinking about it, you have to see this person almost every day and she/he talks about the same shit every time you see them!!!

Wouldn't work for me - being me, but what would you guys do?

Weekend ifikile & I'm all smiles........

Only touching this pc on Monday again..... & I'll be waiting for your answers ( if you do happen to pass through my blog)

Later

Ubuhle!

Why is that the people who cannot sing are the ones who like being heard the most, not to mention the ones who can't dance to save their live - they like being right there in the middle of the dance floor, then you find the ones who most people wouldn't call pretty, those ones are forever talkin about how good they look and they are usually the first ones to spot an "ugly" person!!! Like really when they look in the mirror just before they leave their houses, what is it that goes through their mind.... Hmm let me think, is it "Ooooh, don't I just look beautiful now" or maybe " I make these jeans look good", perhaps "Yo,Yo,Yo... I can move to any beat, all eyes will be on me as soon as hit the dance floor" or maybe "I sing so beautifully that I turn a frown into a smile and I'm definitely the next big thing.... gonna give Mary J and Mariah a run for their money".... Ya, ne!!!

Take me for instance... well I know the following about myself and I don't care how nice you'd be trying to be but some things you can't lie about......

Fact #1 - I CANNOT sing, I know that, I've recorded myself... My voice is pure torture & for that I don't need Simon Cowell to tell me!!

Fact #2 - I CANNOT dance, especially all these new styles introduced to us by the 999 gang and the Jika Ma Jika show ( funny enough, I'm flexible when it comes to other things) I could dance dance... say 8 years back but now eish... even looking at myself dance in front of a mirror is well let's say not so sexy!!!

Fact # 3 - I DO NOT have the most gorgeous of bodies that's for sure and I certainly don't fall under the "PRETTY" category - hell no, but you know what - I smile every time I look at my Beautiful face - yep, I said it I think I'm a looker ( and for that, blame the man who told me so)!!! Now you know what they say about beauty - It's in eye of that Beer Jug and yes there is a difference between being pretty and being beautiful..... other than that I just this chubby cute thing that some people can't help but just wanna hug and pinch my cheeks!!!

Ya'll don't have to agree..... My thoughts only!!!!

Mmcwaaaaaaaaaaa!

Relationshipz... nah!

Yeah well I've been thinking and talkin to a chick friend of mine from DBN and once again I was asked the same question that more than 30 people have asked already - What is it that really puts me off a guy & why are my relationships never more than 3months long???

Well firstly.... I was once in a 6 year relationship (obviously on & off) and my most recent on was 10months long and shooo that was long!!!

I have no valid reason really but all I can say is that I do get bored quickly and for a long time I thought it was me but then I realised that shit, they are the ones who are not keeping up!!

Look @ it like this ne, I say that it's better if we don't see each other often but talk every now and then, that way when we do eventually see each other it is just HAPPY times, no fights, nothing coz without a doubt if I had to see your ass everyday, 8/10n I'd be pissed as hell if not I'd have nothing to say to you not coz I don't really got nothing to say but more coz what I have to say will make you angry while I laugh about it.... really there is only so much that you can talk about with your girl/boyfriend and then a hell lot that you can talk about with your friends.

Topics with your lover:
Let's talk about US
Let's talk about our hurtful past relationships
Let's talk about our families
Let's talk of about how our day @ work was
Let's talk about our first kiss, shag, breakup etc (lies)
Let's talk about our love for each other ( all lies, probably)
How the blue tie looks good on him
and how that hairstyle suites her
And on, and on, and on - bull shit

There's probably more to talk about but I've never gotten that far but after all the above topics then the lies, arguments and curses come in....

Topics with your friends:
The actual year you lost your virginity
The number of times you've shagged your ex after you broke up
The boozing sprees
How to make cash
Your real feelings about the person you call your lover
The hot umgosi
The person you are just lusting after
Your actual dreams and ambitions
Music
Childhood stories
How you made a fool outta yourself the last weekend you got sloshed outta your mind
Your ideal life partner
Your nasty habits that you wouldn't want your girl/man to know about
How your partner delivers
The plot for the weekend

Yo,Yo,Yo I can write a whole list of the shit that one can talk about with their friends rather than their "lovers", bottom line is that for people like me, I'd rather spend 80% with my close friends, 15% with the whole family and 5% with my "lover". Coz I'll just end up having to tell little white lies a bit too constantly unless you are just like me and we basically have a whole lotta shit in common then fuck I wouldn't mind chilling with you all the time.

Oh, in case you didn't know when I'm by myself all I listen to is my hip-hop mixes and I love them to bits, so imagine if some fool had to RKO me for the remote just so that he can listen to BoyzIIMen.... Jyslik... I will leave your ass in 2 seconds you'd think a cyclone swept me away!

That for me actually counts.... so think of all the things that I'm in to and the way I am right now and then think long and hard which man can stand that... chances are I cant stand him and his was just as much.

So sisi, don't worry about me I just cool the way I am... I work during the week, chill with my peoplez during the weekend, go home to sleep after intoxicating myself, listen to my Tuks, JayZ and shit, read and write my blogs and ya, I'm satisfied... not completely but it works fine for now!!!

By the way what happened to you and being engaged???? One should wonder?

I know its not much of a good reason but her, did yo really expect one from me? Really Now!

Shoooo!!!!

Well this past long weekend, I chilled with my peoplez and tried to get sloshed.... and it only worked after 4 attempts!

Blaque came over to visit and well, Blaque is Blaque.... That's all I can say - had fun though!

So me, Khauki and Blaque hooked up on Friday to go to BCR cuz Kliff'o gay, shit, I mean Kliff oday invited us to come through. Before that Blaque rocked at my house in some other car with some other dude and we met yet another dude that is friends with the first dude.... right there I had plans for them...

Me & the girls tried to irritate the shit outta those guys the whole f*#ckin day and it did not work!!! I was just pissed off coz those guys really enjoyed chillin with us and I was really hoping that they hate us, especially me by the end of the night but things didn't work out that way.... much to my disappointment! But they were cool though.

I heard from a RELIABLE source that some people were a bit disappointed when they read that I decided to go celibate... ha, ha, ha! Shame, but you know what, I really gotta do it, not to prove or gain anything but just because I can and anyways it's time I find new hobbies other than shagging!

And I have to get rid of other people in my life that cause me unnecessary headaches but firstly they need to be told what they really are and that is......... nastyassshit! Keep tellin yourself that you are Da shit and soon enough you'll see that you are just plain stinky shit, aight!!!

Blaque is to update her blog soon, she better otherwise I'll be very upset!!!

Hey my new hype - honesty.... I working beautifully for me!

I recently found out that there are people out there who actually find time just to talk about me... WOW, am I that interesting? Like all I gotta say is GET A LIFE, do something to keep your mind busy, go to the gym, play tennis, get a girlfriend, something.... fellazzz!

All in all, I had a FAB one, hope everyone else did - if not, there's always next weekend!!!

Later!

Like... what'z with d@?

For all those who have ever watched channel 102 (African Magic), they have like a thousand movies from west/east Africa ne and most of them are too predictable, they have more or less the same story line but what chuckles me the most is the fact that they love "the getting married" stunt, the witchcraft, the 100 000 naira shopping sprees, the prince that went to study abroad & has to come back to the "village" a pick a wife not to mention that they have like a million "chiefs" there and finally the dress code!!!

Personally, I like watching those movies at least once a day and I have my favourite actors already. Sometimes I can't even hear what they are sayin and they are long, yo!

Well, when I was in Durban I met a lot of people from Nigeria, Congo and Senegal and for some reason most people thought that I was also from that part of the continent (most probably coz I'm tall, dark and big-boned) and in my short time chilling with guys from Naija, they - one by one, asked me to marry them obviously I refused but I was bugged by their eagerness to tie the knot, I mean this other guy had only met me 3 days before he confessed his love for me and asked me to wed him - weird! Got nothing against them but they did manage to scare me away.

Only when I started watching these movies, I understood that getting married for them is like a hobby of some sort.

But more seriously I argued a statement that was made by one friend of mine who happens to be from Naija as well - he said that South African women are money hungry whores that will shag anyone that has a few hundred rands to throw around, now when we first met he was on some tip of "Baby, I'll buy you anything you want", "I'll buy you a Motorola, a nokia, a samsung - anything you want", I said no thanx then a week later - " Baby, I want to make you CEO of my shop" I laughed and the brotha thought that it was a yes so 2 days later I received a call from a woman who said that I was her daughter-in-law (with the accent) and she couldn't wait for me to come visit Lagos so I could meet the rest of the family - and that now there were five Mrs Ozwoko's in her family now that her fifth son has finally taken a wife........ like what the froooooty was that! I've received weird phone calls in my life but that was by far the worst!!! So after talking to the woman I decided to catch the bus to Point Road in Durban where the brotha had a clothing shop and politely asked to have a word with him, I was so pissed off that my armpits were sweaty. So when we stepped into his dodgy office with a funky odour going in there I said " listen my friend, you have overstepped your boundaries, therefore I beg to to delete my number from your phone, never call me again, when you see me on the street or anywhere else don't say hi and tell your mother to never dial my number again and tell her that I'm not her daughter-in-law, never will be and have a nice day - bye"... The man just stood there sayin "oh but baby, what's wrong baby, you don't want me no more baby, okay how much do you want baby?" Now that was the last straw, if he wasn't that huge I swear I would've slapped him but I was chicken to do that so I decided to bounce outta there and go to the nearest bar to calm down, after a few green bottles I felt better!!!!

Some other people nje!!!!!!!

In case you are wondering, the guy tried to stalk me for a while and tried bribing me with a few gifts but I did not budge but my friends enjoyed every second of it and just as I was about to get a restraining order against him, he got arrested for selling illegal merchandise as well as drugs. Wow!

W'zzz Up!

Received am e-mail from a fan (wow, I gotta fan or a groupie) and asked me to put more pix of me,me,me! And well as you can see, you ask & I give! I am wondering why though


So this past weekend I was working, Ligwalgwala FM had a Birthday Celebration in Barberton and the company I work for had to manage the event so ya! My feet, legs and back still hurt like hell coz I was on my feet for almost 24hours.




The event turned out well I gotta say, but some people just do NOT deserve to be in certain positions at the SABC coz they know fokol about shit - and ya'll can quote me on that!!! I won't mention names for fear of being sued or something like that but they know deep down what they had to do to get those jobs and I can without a doubt say that it aint coz they are qualified or have some sort of experience in the field and I think that being big on booze is like an added advantage for you appointment there - so if you looking at getting a job there, you better start investing in a Phuza face!!! (Just kidding - but I might just be true)






KasieKulture had a comment 'bout my blog on his blog.... well, Thanx 4 da inspiration too!

Some anonymous left a comment on a previous post, eish deep but I appreciate you being honest and by the way being brutally honest about shit is my new hype coz I figured that you only have to speak the truth once and nobody will keep asking you too many questions and anyways one lie can lead to a much complicated series of untrue stories that will leave you wondering how it all began and eventually lose credibility from those who matter the most in you life - so keep it real - right? right!






I'm trying to decide if I should go celibate or not, I don't know I just want to cut something out of my life for a while and I don't know what but it's definitely NOT my boozing sprees with my crew.... Maybe I should discard shagging out of my favourite things, not for a very long time but for about six months or so. What do you think?







Have a great week ahead.....