Life as it was!

2012 was a bad year - when the clock struck midnight into 2013 I was relieved. 1. I stayed the whole year without working. 2. Hooked up with a guy I wouldn't look twice at on a normal/sane day - that part actually threw me off the most! *note to self* Never have sex when bored! 3. Some dumb fuck bumped my car only a few months after I had taken it out of insurance (I was unemployed remember) and then the fucktard skipped town without giving even a penny to get that fixed. 4. Discovered that we have people in the family that actually use muthi to backtrack other family members' success (you have to be black or Indian to understand that) 5. I was broke 6. I almost became a mother - miscarriage at 3-months (let's just say God knows best) 7. I gained more weight 8. All I did was sleep - at least 60% of the year. 9. Discovered that some friends really don't give 2 fucks of what you are going through. 10. People forgot how to dial numbers and actually call. *shrugs* My ass is still alive though >>> and that is a good thing!

Quest for the truth!

Watching Generations in the last few weeks has made me wonder if searching for the truth is the way to go for me.

My father was unfortunately also killed in the 80's, 1985 to be exact. I was a year old and no one in my family has actually told me the truth of the events that led to his death. All I got was that I wouldn't understand and that it was political. I've had no interest in politics because of that statement.

In the years past, I was told of what a good man my father was, of course I would have loved to see and experience his "goodness" myself but that has and never will happen. He's a fallen hero to every one else that knew him except me and my brothers as we were somewhat "robbed" of that. My grandmother often said that I'm so much like him.

So came the thoughts of wanting to know more, where are the people that killed him! What happened to them and more than anything else why!

And with that, I have decided to ask questions that I've avoided asking in the past! So yes, yes I want to know the truth and the quest to find that truth begins now!!!

I hope my family doesn't hold anything back.

When I was a kid...

I thought I was adopted because my complection was a few tones darker than that of my siblings!

I wrote 4 suicide notes - and obviously I never got around to doing the deed!

I thought I was going to be a tv personality!

I thought I was freakishly tall and everybody else thought I was lying about my age!

I used to collect frogs and pretend to be some bio-tech genius!

I tried running away from home and the furthest I got was my neighbours house!

I was always top of my class - I wondre what happened when I got to high school 'coz that really changed!

Let's just say Thank you to growth and sanity!!!

Oh and how can I forget that at grade 9 I thought I was pregnant 'coz some guy hugged and kissed me! I blame that on poor guidance though hahaha!

Love matters

Call me vain but I think I'm quite beautiful, friendly, caring and honest! I also think that I make a good girlfriend but this is NOT what men want clearly! Oh, and speaking my mind is soooo not acceptible! Apparently it's considered to be rude, arrogant and Lord knows what else.

It's often said that good guys finish last or never get the girl and I think that the same applies for good women. Yes?

So what does one do in cases like these? Huh?

Sadly, wealthy single women also seem to have less chances of finding real love... While all is good for them in other areas of their lives, I'd have to slightly contradict myself - women with money and power are rude and think they don't need anyone. We All need someone who will hug us, listen to us, make us happy and make us feel better when everything else seems to fall apart! That doesn't mean you're weak, you're just human.

We do not have to be in control all the time and with everything.

And with that I have to leave it there for today and attend to my bbm, tweets and everything else that keeps me occupied!

So Ambitious...

So basically, I've been turning "25" for the last 3 years!My mom finally decided to ask me what the deal was and why the heck am I counting backwards...

Truth is, I had a plan for how my life should turn out by the time I turn 25 and well, let's just say there were a few glitches that set me back in a major way. At this point it's either I accept the situation as it is or keep pretending that I'm 25 till I make it work out as I had planned. The latter wins obviously!

So here's to me faking it till I make it and I want is all.


This does make sense right?

Clearly some people have no idea how annoying and unappreciated their facebook statuses are hey.

Some guy posted that he is not christian and does not celebrate christmas. He went on to write how the rest of us are idiots for believing in Jesus Christ.

Really, at first I thought he was kidding till he started a mini war of words about all religions. Oy, I- as expected stayed out of it and opted for the 'block' tab. Some people should either learn what is appropriet to post about on social networks or they must just keep it to themselves and their like minded buddies.

So, Merry Christmas good people, have a blessed day. Be safe, have fun and spread love.

saving me

I've had to accept a few of my flaws not too long ago and I forgive myself.

I took time to really think about about that whole 'nobody's perfect' statement and fek, I have in the past tortured myself about a lot of things that I had felt were not good enough about / on me.

15years later, I feel like an idiot for second guessing myself because here I am right now feeling that it doesn't it doesn't really matter who says what, I am perfect.... for myself.

I can't let people that don't take time to know me make me feel like I aint all that. Fek that and fek them very much.

Boozed up!

Yup, you read right!

This is officially my first drunken post!

I don't have much to say except that when I told people that I am leaving Nelspruit, all the wanted to do is get me drunk! What nonsense is that huh?

I am at work now, I had to stay up coz had I slept, I wouldn't have woken up! I came back to the house at 4a.m.

Interesting thing though is that people (around this devil'ish town) really do like talking about me - I am like a topic of interest nje! I think they will the ones to miss me first - really!

highlight of my night - Trying to have a meaningful conversation with a chick high on crack! She's got multiple personalities - it was funny and strange I can tell you that much! She's has some dodgy behaviour going on! She kept yapping for a good 20minutes non stop - pshhh , and peepz thought I'm a motor-mouth!

Need to start on my work now... Later

Letting GO!

When something is said often enough than it probably is true >>> I say that because in between me doing a lot of thinking and weighing the pros and cons of my latest decision I had to understand the saying"everything happens for a reason". I just hope that I don't have to kick myself afterwards.

I have finally decided to move back home, and when I say home - I really mean home. Sleeping in my old room and old bed! I've never really given Durban a chance, all I know is that I've always loved living in Nelspruit but - this town has really become too small for me, even after taming down a bit to look "normal", my isht is just not working out here.

So basically, I am teaching myself HOW TO LET GO! Plus I strongly believe that if I do move away from this evil place, I will stop this nonsense of drunk calling my exs coz honestly there are just not enough men in Nelspruit! LoL

I cannot justify the last statement but go figure!

Oh dear, I am so sleepy - It's a Monday 12H05 to be exact and all I want to do is dose off! Great.

> I met a few interesting characters this past weekend and I will just leave it at that.... I was quite an interesting one with lots of drama and this time it wasn't about ME! Heeeeeee

Gotz to go now.

I are alive! Yes I are...

Wow, the last time I was on this space was about 11 months ago!

And..... you can close your mouth now, I aint dead yet! It would actually take a hell lot more than hot tempered bosses and shady boyfriend to get me to go 6feet under!

Firstly: I will tell you this one thing >>>; giving advice is easy, taking your own advice is something on another level all together! I say this because I, for the last 6 months have had this VERY bad habit of drunk-calling my ex - well one of them actually, at odd hours of the morning! Why I do this is totally beyond me as I am the first to stop a friend from drunk dialling. This was so serious that last weekend, I sat on the steps outside of Carisma (A cocktail lounge place) crying coz he wouldn't answer my calls. It must have been the most confused moment for the people that were around me at that time (approximately 3:45am - I don't understand why I deprive myself of sleep and stay up till this time hey. It happens almost every Friday hahahahaha - Shit I am a nut case!)

I must admit though that I was intoxicated (ladies don't get drunk). From a whole bottle of Merlot, to Gin & Tonic then Mojitos and Red Square Energisers -- I think I might have threw back a few tequila shots as well... I am not sure though! And no before you start judging me I am not an alcoholic. I just choose to get smashed on Friday nights. I really don't have anything else to do on those days, being single doesn't help either.

I'd rather be single then put up with dodgy acting male characters - That's just another story all together.

I should have came back to blogging a long time ago!

Alright, I need to go get lunch now. I'll be back *not in that Robocop voice though*

Howdi...........

Am I the only person that feels just normal now that the world cup is finally here.

Personally I blame it on winter, it gets so cold that the thought of going to the Fan Park is just a naah ahh! I do not own anything warm...... I can walk into a shop with the intention of buying a jacket or jersey and will leave with a sleeveless top instead. Even back then I just used to wear Tumelo's jackets all coz I couldn't find a jacket that speaks to me!!!!

So because it'd be too cold for me to out, I chill indoors and watching soccer alone doesn't make much sense to me. I must admit though, many people are goin insane - almost every facebook status update is on soccer, flags on cars, the works and here I am with not even a Bafana shirt. But that does not in any way mean that I do not support our national team!

I was hoping for Ras Dumisani to redeem himself by singing the natonal anthem again - correctly this time though.......... oh well we can't always get what we want vele. lol.

What I want to do before my next birthday!

1. Enter Big Brother Africa - I am so serious about this hey!


2. Go for advanced driving lessons @ Kyalami - I am a good driver though, just want to perfect it (hahahaha).


3. Go camping - tent and all. I do go to lodges with camping sites but have this fear of sleeping in the wilderness. Horror movies have removed all desire to go into the "woods".


4. Pursue that Online Magazine dream I've had for the last 5 years.


5. Have an arguement free conversation with my mother and actualy tell her everything.


6. Try out those Kulula/Shot Left holiday packages. I have a feeling that I might enjoy Knysna.


7. Mack on a guy. (Oh dear)


8. Pimp my ride - myself*** and - Yes, learn how to change a tyre.


9. Possibly leave Nelspruit - It's about time. Polokwane, Bloemfontein or Cape Town????


10. Introduce the concept of hugging in family.... I know that sounds strange but honestly my family is distant, the kids get along very well with each other while the grown folks have a somewhat cold feeling towards each other. No parent in our family has a good relationship with their own kids. Strange family I come from I tell ya.

Well, that's it! If I can atleast do 3 or a lil more of the above, I'll be almost satisfied!!!!

It's Friday! YaY.........

Tequila?

Yes!

And I need to relax!

I need RELATIONSHIP advice - pronto!

It has taken me a whole year, yes a year get over him..... remember him, the one that rocked my boat 2007 - 2009! We had to good times and I believed he was my "soul mate" - bet you didn't think I believe in that huh????

So I have put myself out there - but damn I've had to be careful, with all those vulture and users out there.

I've "liked" 3 people since then and every time I thought of giving it a chance with them, I always found reasons not to. Some of the reasons wouldn't make much sense to you but yes, different strokes for different folks (whatever that was meant to justify). If the tables had to be turned on me, I'd probably flip like WTF but ke that is besides the point - what's important here is that I protect my heart and ego.

Apparently I am "cold hearted" too, hey I didn't know that till a few days ago when a friend and the supposed-to-be-new boyfriend went out to a club and I left him standing to go mingke with my peoples - we had just met the day before so naturally I didn't want to seem like I am the clingy type (That is my justification for my actions) and naye he knew a lot of people there so he wasn't totaly alone. Tumelo thought so as well, he said I didn't love him enough - or rather didn't show it enough. I don't know hey - I'm aquarian, go read my star sign and you'll understand why I am like that.

One thing for sure is that it does get lonely in singleville, especially when I call up my peoples and they all tell me that they are spending time with the partners!!!! *SMH*
I feel betrayed after I hang up the phone!

Yo, y'all tell mw now - HOW DO I GET HOOKED UP? and make it last, put aside all reservations and the thoughts of being heart broken????? Help a sitah will ya!

Realy, there is absolutely nothing more interesting than the human life itself! - and I will not back that up with an explaination of why I think so... simply put - I am just sayin'.

And I do just want to bitch about my employer a lil' bit (hoping that she never discovers that I run this blog).

I swear it is like she wakes up in the morning and thinks "hmmmm, I wonder how can I f*ck Khensani's day today, nothing much just annoy and piss the isht outta her till she start spitting fire!?"

Wow.

On the brighter side of that, they say you are dead if no one thinks or talks about you!!!

Looking forward to an awesome weekend - yes!

Thank the gods VDay is over!!!

Yes, it was just another Valentine's Day that was just like any other day to me - I have never gotten anything special on this particular date, so ya - I figure that it realy is not relevant to m e anymore. Better now that I am out of school and no one can FORCE me to wear Red and White, Red alone, or STAR White!

I am not bitter about it, no I am NOT.

Besides, I am one of those who wants gifts any other ordinary day and Valentine "the original one" is no relative of mine. Everyday should be valentine's day........ uh? No. We human beings are too selfish for that.... It's 2010 and we are still blaming the "recession" for being stingy!

To all those who believe in V.Day. Good luck - for next year!

This is a public Announcement............

Yeah, now that I have your attention:

I just wanted to remind all of you that my birthday is coming up again (09 February 2009), I am not too picky so any type of present will be appreciated!!!!

I have also decided that I'll be 25 again this year, in fact, I plan on being 25 for the next 4 years.

Don't be shy to ask for my number and delivery address hey!!!!

***one would think that by now I would've have stopped being obsessed with my birthday***

That aint gonna happen mates!

Mcwaaah!

I'm a Millionaire.................. fok it, realy now!

Stichting de Nationale SporttotalisatorLucky Day Lotto Nl.Laan van Hoornwijck 55,2289 DG Rijswijk-The NetherlandsKVK 41151075

Dear Sir/Madam,

We write to inform you that the results of the Netherlands LUCKY DAY LOTTO Promotion new year anniversary, held on 4th day of January, 2010 , have been released. Your email was attached to a ticket that won the lotto in the second category.

Therefore, a prize amount of One Million Dollars ($1.000.000.00) shall be your total payout after the official verification of your identity. The online cyber lotto draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 25,000.000.00 email addresses of individual and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the Internet.

The sum has been awarded to your email address in our online randomly selected email. Hence you did not have to apply in any way or form for this participation,as it is strictly for email users around the world.

At this juncture, your payment will be made by our appointed claim agent, for the details of this notification, kindly send your complete Names, Address,Age, Occupation, Telephone Number and your country of origin to the accredited claim agent officer, Mr. Jan Peters (Director of Operation) M.A.M & Finance, via this email address: (mediterraneoamf@live.nl) or (jpetersnl@aim.com) for the processing of your prize.

Congratulations!!!

Yours Faithfully,Mrs. Nessen DelsinkPromotion Manager

Reply to: mediterraneoamf@live.nl

Realy? Are these people kidding me ~ ok here's another mail I received.... read on

FROM THE DESK OF MR MOHAMMED
ALIREGIONAL MANAGER INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK
KUMASI BRANCH GHANA.


Dear friend,My name is Mr Mohammed Ali, I am the regional manager of the International Commercial Bank kumasi branch Ghana. I got your information during my search through the Internet. I am 48years of age and married with 3 lovely kids.

It may interest you to hear that I am a man of PEACE and don't want problem, but i don't know how you will feel about this because you might feel that its scam yes there are many scam. but am telling you that this is real and you are not going to regret after doing this transaction with me.


I only hope we can assist each other. But If you don't want this business offer kindly forget it as I will not contact you again.I have packaged a financial transaction that will benefit both of us, as the regional manager of the International Commercial Bank; it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra-Ghana at the end of each year. On the course of the last year 2008 end of year report, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made Three million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollar [$3, 750.000.00] which my head office are not aware of and will never be aware of. I have since place this fund on what we call SUSPENSE ACCOUNT without any beneficiary.

As an officer of the bank I cannot be directly connected to this money, so this informed my contacting you for us to work so that you can assist receive this money into your bank account for us to SHARE. While you will have 40% of the total fund.

Note there are practically no risk involved, it will be bank to bank transfer, all I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund who made the deposit with our branch so that my Head office can order the transfer to your designated bank account.

If you accept this offer to work with me, I will appreciate it very much.As soon as I receive your response I will details you on how we can achieve it successfully.

I will want you to reply me through my private email address at (alimohammed1899@gmail.com)

Best RegardsMohammed Ali,

I just needed to share this.......

Reporter:''Yini i-ANC ne IFP bangezwani''? Kubuza ireporter kuShenge.

Shenge:''ngizokuphendula mawuzophendula lembuzo ewu 3



Shenge:1.''yini amakaka enkomo?'

Reporter: ''ubulongwe'' kuphendula ireporter



Shenge: 2.yini amakaka enkukhu?

Reporter: ''isitibhili'' kusho ireporter



Shenge: 3.Ubani upresident wase Afganistan?

Reporter: 'angimazi'' yaphendula ireporter



Shenge: ''uyabona ke wazi amasimba nje kuphela ayikho into

engingayikhuluma nawe''

Welcome to the year of great things!

Oh my, how long have we been waiting for 2010?

And now that it is here............................ nothing much has changed! Waaaah

I thought my imaginery empire would be up and running by now, I had a heck lot of other wishes for this year too!!!!

One thing for sure though - I am finaly going to do ME!

If no one suports on this, then fokof.... disown me vele, coz kusho ukuthi you do not want to see a smile on this chikita's face!!!

I missed blogging so much!

I am 26years this year and I feel way younger than I did last year - yes, I want to be forever young!!!

Hayi ke, let's see what great things we will all do this year!

Let's GO!