A man wrote:
There is no decent man out there who has no girlfriend or at least a serious partner, even if he is a pedestrian. If he says so, he's lying. No man likes to be alone, even for a few seconds. The other reason is that men by their nature wants to be worked, as in having someone to call their own. They want to be "mothered", but in a different way from kids. They want to be pampered and cared for but not to be told what not to do or do (unlike children). What does a man want: just be there for him and don't judge or say: "I told you so". Love him unconditionally and still tell him you love him even if you know he cheated on you and you told him (every man cheats at some stage and if he is not a "serial killer" everywhere, why dump him and start from scratch as if there are better men). It could make him feel ashamed next time and be careful, if you speak to him with respect. If you want to tell him about his habits that you don't like, do it when you have calmed down and in a loving way. Not when you are angry.
Men are more afraid of being on their own more than women do. I have seen many ladies who have stayed without boyfriends for up to 12 months or more and not seeing anyone, but a guy will find a new girlfriend the very day he drops you. In fact, by the time he confirms the relationship is over, he already has someone in the picture. Men always have a large supply of women to choose from and most of the time, some ladies even try all the tricks in the book to trap a man, especially when they reach that worrisome age 26 or so: By this time, If you don't have a steady boyfriend who might marry you, you might probably be in deep trouble because most guys who will come to you will be just be interested in having fun with you and go. In fact, they could be looking for people younger than you instead.
Guys have programmed themselves to do the following: the lady he calls "Umfazi" is the woman he thinks he might marry if it comes to a push and his mother is starting to complain that he is getting too old to look after himself. That's the lady he will confess to being in love with. Men usually love two women at a time but they don't see any problem with having more "nyatsis" on the side (it's something that you ladies can never get men to stop). "Umfazi" is the woman he will fight for if she is "tampered with". And he usually doesn't mind doing things for her or taking her out every now and then. In other words, she is a future "investment". If any man takes her from him, he could easily get killed. The woman he calls "Umuntu Wami" is the one who satisfies his egoistic and sexual urges. You will see that because he normally doesn't have enough time to see her because he is always "busy" or going to a "function". She is the "nyatsi" and in 99% of the cases, she will always remain one and will never take the number one spot occupied by the "Mfazi" unless a miracle happens. In fact, no "nyatsi" will become a "Umfazi" because if you can become his "nyatsi" then you are probably also somebody else's "nyatsi" besides him.
Ask most guys why they want to get married and they will tell you they are tired of cleaning after themselves or cooking after themselves. Every man needs a woman who will look after him and if you are not prepared to play the wifey role, he will eventually replace you on the number one position with someone who treats him like a king. Men are also very choosy and even more than women. The woman he met at a party will most likely stay that to him: a fun woman. No sensible man is prepared to marry a woman who was being driven around to parties by various guys. You would be lucky if he doesn't know your history. To a man. A history counts. That's why if you think you aspire to get married one day, I advise you to stay away from this lifestyle of being known as a "party animal". Men don't respect such a woman. If you met him at a party, he will never forget that. That's why he might always remind you about the past and want to know how many guys you slept with that you met at parties.
The key to keeping a man is to be accommodating and not be judgemental. If a man is impressed with the way you treat him, he will never leave you. In fact, if he goes away, he will come back running. Most ladies out there don't know how to treat a man. Don't keep reminding a man about the affairs he has had or that he has. Even if you hear rumours try to stay away from people who say them to you because they could be the route to destroying the relationship. How do you know if they are not just jealous of your relationship? Be open with a man and strict but don't judge him. Don't keep reminding him of past mistakes but make him feel that you are the best thing that ever happened to him.
The reason why men date a woman for 6 years and go marry someone new? It's simple: Most probably, you have become a burden because you lost something along the way. There must be a reason. All men want to marry a reliable and respectful woman. Every man knows there's no such thing as a perfect woman. But if you get into a relationship and behave like you are already married to him and dictating terms to him, he will eventually leave. The reason why he will marry someone new is that the time for getting married has come and he can't wait anymore. So he will take what is available and most attractive to him than marry the woman he was with for the past 6 years or so.
Men want comfort and security just like women. He wants the woman he will marry to be fun to be with and not always complaining. Why is it that most ladies start to look like domestic workers the moment they are in a steady relationship? You used to dress up for him the moment you started dating. Your weight was acceptable and you didn't complain much. The man fell in love with that picture of his "dream woman" who is almost angelic. And now, after 3 years of being together, you start feeling like "Mrs Right" and you become the opposite of the woman he fell in love with and when you go out with him, you also start dressing like you are going to clean the outside toilet of someone's yard. You also start pushing him to marry you by always asking when he will marry you. What do you expect a man to do?
As for dating men who have other girlfriends and you are single or unattached. You can't avoid it. Muthu u waniwa kha munwe in the first place. The problem is that he might not be seriously looking for a partner in you and he's just looking for a "stress reliever" . If so, some of the signs are that he will be very impatient with you. He will pressurize you to meet his needs in return for no compromise. If he has time for you in the beginning and the next thing he starts having excuses, you know what to expect. He will never change. With experience, you will come to know the difference between a man who is just playing and one who is serious. The problem with ladies is that they see the warning signs and hang in there just hoping the signs are either wrong or will go away.
Relationships are a gamble. You shouldn't put more efforts than is needed to make a decent relationship work. You must know when to stay and when to run for your life. Don't waste time on something that is not improving. Hanging around with a man who is looking elsewhere will stop you from finding someone who will eventually marry you. Most relationships start the same: they are wonderful. Whether it continues like that is another story which you need to pay good attention to. Stay awake
2 comments:
Whoever wrote this article wants to perpetuate this myth that women need men for their existence. It is bullshit ek se. It is a struggle, but women should continue to fight to be treated as equals. Much as I might identify with what this article says it smacks of male chauvinism.
Sisters rise up and be considered on your own terms. Men need to also wake up to the fact that women are equal. It is called consciousness. Women should develop that consciousness of equality in every repsect.
So if ever you were considering to entartain the garbage written here, reconsider sister, reconsider!!
My first thoughts after reading this: "The nigga must be shmokin' something realy strong". With statements like these at this day and age, some men still have a long to go!!! Coz we women are takin more control of our relationships and careers..... most of all, I for one will never settle for something less than what I deserve - period!!!!
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