I keep it moving...

I think it's time I admitted to myself that I cannot stay in one town for too long. Not because of scandalous behavior no, I just get bored and boredom really leads to one feeling "stuck" and no one really wants that right? Right!

Anyways. So yes, I want to relocate - haven't really decided where to yet but I will decide by end of November. I like finding myself at different place where I barely know anyone else around. Quite enjoy the adventure of meeting new people.... hehehe! Strange thought went through my mind when I typed "adventure". It is though isn't it?

I've already figured that I am a very tolerant person - so that part is sorted. I still need to learn more about myself and I am really not gonna get anywhere if I'm still living at home now will I. Sheeesh, I really didn't see myself living at home at age 25+4. I've always been a drifter of sort, and I've lived alone for a very long time so having people in my space - when I want to rest does tick me off somehow.

So yes, here's to me trying to find a new home (for at least 2 years) then I'll take it from there,the nice part about all of this is that I have no additional responsibilities so I just do me and for me.

Oh.... I am only moving in January - I am still bound to a contract till December.

Mncim.

All things online

Online shopping and coupons are slowly becoming my thing..... Yes, I am a few years late at discovering the beauty of it but hey! It's here and I am totally loving it.

Discounted spa visits, shoes, accessories, meals - you name it! I click on it.

Going into to town or mall to shop takes a hell lot of time and when I'm on a mission - the less people I have to deal with, the better.

So many cool sites out there - have to be careful though.

I worry about the direction that my obsession with shades, studs, scarfs, flat shoes and neck pieces is gonna take though!

Next on my list is discounted holiday getaways.... I've been thinking about it for a while now! Somehow I always end up with this silly question - Who would I take with to this holiday. Most of my female friends are new mothers, have gotten married or forever complaining about not having enough money, now if I had to go with any of my male friends - I fear that with the setting, liquor and possible room sharing - things may go left very quickly and end up with a messy and awkward situation in our hands. These things have been known to happen!

What's worse is that I have had (what is meant to be forgotten) encounters with some of these male friends and really. I do not want to give that shit another opportunity to happen. *shamefully looks away*

hahahaha! Oh the drama that used to be my life.

And being as single as I am at the moment..... Uhmm! Ya, one man holidays certainly do not sound good.

Oh well.... Hopefully they'll be developments in the love front soon!

Oh my Alla.

I'll tell you a few things about God.... God gives, God takes, God sees, God listens and God blesses!

 Y'all know I am not the preachy type but here's what I believe - being present at church every Sunday does not in any way mean that you are an all round good doer.

 I personally know of people who preach a good word but have hearts of satan.

 They are jealous of other people, They practice witchcraft and use muthi, Hold grudges against people, Would walk past a hungry child and nit be bothered, They do things that you and I wouldn't even think about.

 I could go on with this list but it's not the direction I want to take this.

 If it weren't for my faith in God and my belief that every situation that I find myself in is a test of how strong I am, I would have hung myself eons ago. I have seen the worst of days and have been scarred deeply. Right now it is almost like it never ever happened and I'm receiving my blessings.

 People need to understand that God blesses you so that you can be a blessing to others.


Think about it and see how you can be a blessing to other people - remember that blessing do not necessarily mean Money, in most cases! Know who you are and the kind of skills that you have, be confident in yourself and the rest will find it's own place in your life. I am one of the most emotionally detached people i know - however, please seem to like coming to me wanting to talk about very personal matters.

Normally, when this happens - a dry joke comes to mind before we get seriously deep into the matter - That's my thing.... It may not work for everyone but most of the people have spoken to me have returned to simple say - Thanks for that, it helped. See that, that is a blessing of sort! I may not be instrumental in your life changing events but I was there and gave you my 2cents worth.


 Now I just feeling like I'm just writing stuff here and not actually getting to a point.... and I'm not bothered!I've said what I wanted to say anyway. I'm still finding my way and opening myself to learn and get as much out of my existance here alright.


 Lastly...... "religious" people or at least the ones that pretend to be like to judge us 'coz we drink, smoke, have pre-marital sex, kids out of wedlock, party etc! They call us sinners and shit - I think most of them actually do worse.

doesn't really phase me though - I believe the greatest sin is not knowing the Almighty.

 There..... I need to go back to work now. Later :)

Sometimes the best thing you can do is nod and smile.... and if the matter doesn't require a smile. Shake your head and say "Eish". Now somebody some pray for women to have the ability to eat whatever we want (not measure portion sizes) and not get fat! Really - that is all we really want! That and for men to understand that keeping quiet about something doesn't really mean we don't know! Contrary to what many men believe - we actually do not want the drama, the yelling and so called nagging. We just wanna chill with our boo thangs and push in with life. Overlooking things doesn't make us stupid or naive and all those other things they choose to call us when we're not around. We like peace! Oh my frigging tits, that's the last time I try talking seriously relationships! That's the one thing that confuses me - and when I say it confuses me, it is NOT because I don't know what I want. I just don't know where to get it!

My love of music

some of my childhood friends often asked me why I'm always going on about music being life to me.... and me being me, I always get my words jumbled up and end up with answer that just goes like 'I don't know, I just love music a bit more than the average person. My days are just never fine unless I play I play certain tracks out loud and sing or dance along. One of my fondest childhood memories was when the whole Stimela band would come to my house for a chillas of sorts - drinking Ohlson"s Larger and chilling on the lawn going through what ever they had recorded that day - Nana Cayote, Ray Phiri, Malum' Jabu and the rest. I used to sit encansini on the grass and just listen to them _ this was still in the early 90's. Things were just so much simpler back then... I was a child and oblivious to to everything that was going on at that time politically. All I knew was that they were gon' get drunk and I will be picking up those huge ass R1 coins in the morning 'coz they alays fell out of their pockets when the were drinking while chilling on the grass, That all happened when I was still living eLekazi - a township in Nelspruit. I still replay images of my momma dancing. I have since seen Stimela perform live at least 22 times in my adult life and have loved each and every performance - eventhe ones without Nana Cayote. All of that just remind me of why I love doing events and live performance. It's like I was just born to do this - this whole event coordinating thing! Not a lot of people can genuinely say that the wake up to go to work and do what they love. I'm beyond blessed bitches!

Fastrack to 2013

This surely is my year! That's it. That's all I've got! With the amount of things that go through my mind and the bile that comes out of my mouth every other minute - that is really all I've got! I know we're 5 months into the year already to be saying that but fuck it - I cannot be charged for being delayed! Adios!

Life as it was!

2012 was a bad year - when the clock struck midnight into 2013 I was relieved. 1. I stayed the whole year without working. 2. Hooked up with a guy I wouldn't look twice at on a normal/sane day - that part actually threw me off the most! *note to self* Never have sex when bored! 3. Some dumb fuck bumped my car only a few months after I had taken it out of insurance (I was unemployed remember) and then the fucktard skipped town without giving even a penny to get that fixed. 4. Discovered that we have people in the family that actually use muthi to backtrack other family members' success (you have to be black or Indian to understand that) 5. I was broke 6. I almost became a mother - miscarriage at 3-months (let's just say God knows best) 7. I gained more weight 8. All I did was sleep - at least 60% of the year. 9. Discovered that some friends really don't give 2 fucks of what you are going through. 10. People forgot how to dial numbers and actually call. *shrugs* My ass is still alive though >>> and that is a good thing!

Quest for the truth!

Watching Generations in the last few weeks has made me wonder if searching for the truth is the way to go for me.

My father was unfortunately also killed in the 80's, 1985 to be exact. I was a year old and no one in my family has actually told me the truth of the events that led to his death. All I got was that I wouldn't understand and that it was political. I've had no interest in politics because of that statement.

In the years past, I was told of what a good man my father was, of course I would have loved to see and experience his "goodness" myself but that has and never will happen. He's a fallen hero to every one else that knew him except me and my brothers as we were somewhat "robbed" of that. My grandmother often said that I'm so much like him.

So came the thoughts of wanting to know more, where are the people that killed him! What happened to them and more than anything else why!

And with that, I have decided to ask questions that I've avoided asking in the past! So yes, yes I want to know the truth and the quest to find that truth begins now!!!

I hope my family doesn't hold anything back.

When I was a kid...

I thought I was adopted because my complection was a few tones darker than that of my siblings!

I wrote 4 suicide notes - and obviously I never got around to doing the deed!

I thought I was going to be a tv personality!

I thought I was freakishly tall and everybody else thought I was lying about my age!

I used to collect frogs and pretend to be some bio-tech genius!

I tried running away from home and the furthest I got was my neighbours house!

I was always top of my class - I wondre what happened when I got to high school 'coz that really changed!

Let's just say Thank you to growth and sanity!!!

Oh and how can I forget that at grade 9 I thought I was pregnant 'coz some guy hugged and kissed me! I blame that on poor guidance though hahaha!

Love matters

Call me vain but I think I'm quite beautiful, friendly, caring and honest! I also think that I make a good girlfriend but this is NOT what men want clearly! Oh, and speaking my mind is soooo not acceptible! Apparently it's considered to be rude, arrogant and Lord knows what else.

It's often said that good guys finish last or never get the girl and I think that the same applies for good women. Yes?

So what does one do in cases like these? Huh?

Sadly, wealthy single women also seem to have less chances of finding real love... While all is good for them in other areas of their lives, I'd have to slightly contradict myself - women with money and power are rude and think they don't need anyone. We All need someone who will hug us, listen to us, make us happy and make us feel better when everything else seems to fall apart! That doesn't mean you're weak, you're just human.

We do not have to be in control all the time and with everything.

And with that I have to leave it there for today and attend to my bbm, tweets and everything else that keeps me occupied!

So Ambitious...

So basically, I've been turning "25" for the last 3 years!My mom finally decided to ask me what the deal was and why the heck am I counting backwards...

Truth is, I had a plan for how my life should turn out by the time I turn 25 and well, let's just say there were a few glitches that set me back in a major way. At this point it's either I accept the situation as it is or keep pretending that I'm 25 till I make it work out as I had planned. The latter wins obviously!

So here's to me faking it till I make it and I want is all.


This does make sense right?

Clearly some people have no idea how annoying and unappreciated their facebook statuses are hey.

Some guy posted that he is not christian and does not celebrate christmas. He went on to write how the rest of us are idiots for believing in Jesus Christ.

Really, at first I thought he was kidding till he started a mini war of words about all religions. Oy, I- as expected stayed out of it and opted for the 'block' tab. Some people should either learn what is appropriet to post about on social networks or they must just keep it to themselves and their like minded buddies.

So, Merry Christmas good people, have a blessed day. Be safe, have fun and spread love.

saving me

I've had to accept a few of my flaws not too long ago and I forgive myself.

I took time to really think about about that whole 'nobody's perfect' statement and fek, I have in the past tortured myself about a lot of things that I had felt were not good enough about / on me.

15years later, I feel like an idiot for second guessing myself because here I am right now feeling that it doesn't it doesn't really matter who says what, I am perfect.... for myself.

I can't let people that don't take time to know me make me feel like I aint all that. Fek that and fek them very much.

Boozed up!

Yup, you read right!

This is officially my first drunken post!

I don't have much to say except that when I told people that I am leaving Nelspruit, all the wanted to do is get me drunk! What nonsense is that huh?

I am at work now, I had to stay up coz had I slept, I wouldn't have woken up! I came back to the house at 4a.m.

Interesting thing though is that people (around this devil'ish town) really do like talking about me - I am like a topic of interest nje! I think they will the ones to miss me first - really!

highlight of my night - Trying to have a meaningful conversation with a chick high on crack! She's got multiple personalities - it was funny and strange I can tell you that much! She's has some dodgy behaviour going on! She kept yapping for a good 20minutes non stop - pshhh , and peepz thought I'm a motor-mouth!

Need to start on my work now... Later

Letting GO!

When something is said often enough than it probably is true >>> I say that because in between me doing a lot of thinking and weighing the pros and cons of my latest decision I had to understand the saying"everything happens for a reason". I just hope that I don't have to kick myself afterwards.

I have finally decided to move back home, and when I say home - I really mean home. Sleeping in my old room and old bed! I've never really given Durban a chance, all I know is that I've always loved living in Nelspruit but - this town has really become too small for me, even after taming down a bit to look "normal", my isht is just not working out here.

So basically, I am teaching myself HOW TO LET GO! Plus I strongly believe that if I do move away from this evil place, I will stop this nonsense of drunk calling my exs coz honestly there are just not enough men in Nelspruit! LoL

I cannot justify the last statement but go figure!

Oh dear, I am so sleepy - It's a Monday 12H05 to be exact and all I want to do is dose off! Great.

> I met a few interesting characters this past weekend and I will just leave it at that.... I was quite an interesting one with lots of drama and this time it wasn't about ME! Heeeeeee

Gotz to go now.

I are alive! Yes I are...

Wow, the last time I was on this space was about 11 months ago!

And..... you can close your mouth now, I aint dead yet! It would actually take a hell lot more than hot tempered bosses and shady boyfriend to get me to go 6feet under!

Firstly: I will tell you this one thing >>>; giving advice is easy, taking your own advice is something on another level all together! I say this because I, for the last 6 months have had this VERY bad habit of drunk-calling my ex - well one of them actually, at odd hours of the morning! Why I do this is totally beyond me as I am the first to stop a friend from drunk dialling. This was so serious that last weekend, I sat on the steps outside of Carisma (A cocktail lounge place) crying coz he wouldn't answer my calls. It must have been the most confused moment for the people that were around me at that time (approximately 3:45am - I don't understand why I deprive myself of sleep and stay up till this time hey. It happens almost every Friday hahahahaha - Shit I am a nut case!)

I must admit though that I was intoxicated (ladies don't get drunk). From a whole bottle of Merlot, to Gin & Tonic then Mojitos and Red Square Energisers -- I think I might have threw back a few tequila shots as well... I am not sure though! And no before you start judging me I am not an alcoholic. I just choose to get smashed on Friday nights. I really don't have anything else to do on those days, being single doesn't help either.

I'd rather be single then put up with dodgy acting male characters - That's just another story all together.

I should have came back to blogging a long time ago!

Alright, I need to go get lunch now. I'll be back *not in that Robocop voice though*

Howdi...........

Am I the only person that feels just normal now that the world cup is finally here.

Personally I blame it on winter, it gets so cold that the thought of going to the Fan Park is just a naah ahh! I do not own anything warm...... I can walk into a shop with the intention of buying a jacket or jersey and will leave with a sleeveless top instead. Even back then I just used to wear Tumelo's jackets all coz I couldn't find a jacket that speaks to me!!!!

So because it'd be too cold for me to out, I chill indoors and watching soccer alone doesn't make much sense to me. I must admit though, many people are goin insane - almost every facebook status update is on soccer, flags on cars, the works and here I am with not even a Bafana shirt. But that does not in any way mean that I do not support our national team!

I was hoping for Ras Dumisani to redeem himself by singing the natonal anthem again - correctly this time though.......... oh well we can't always get what we want vele. lol.

What I want to do before my next birthday!

1. Enter Big Brother Africa - I am so serious about this hey!


2. Go for advanced driving lessons @ Kyalami - I am a good driver though, just want to perfect it (hahahaha).


3. Go camping - tent and all. I do go to lodges with camping sites but have this fear of sleeping in the wilderness. Horror movies have removed all desire to go into the "woods".


4. Pursue that Online Magazine dream I've had for the last 5 years.


5. Have an arguement free conversation with my mother and actualy tell her everything.


6. Try out those Kulula/Shot Left holiday packages. I have a feeling that I might enjoy Knysna.


7. Mack on a guy. (Oh dear)


8. Pimp my ride - myself*** and - Yes, learn how to change a tyre.


9. Possibly leave Nelspruit - It's about time. Polokwane, Bloemfontein or Cape Town????


10. Introduce the concept of hugging in family.... I know that sounds strange but honestly my family is distant, the kids get along very well with each other while the grown folks have a somewhat cold feeling towards each other. No parent in our family has a good relationship with their own kids. Strange family I come from I tell ya.

Well, that's it! If I can atleast do 3 or a lil more of the above, I'll be almost satisfied!!!!

It's Friday! YaY.........

Tequila?

Yes!

And I need to relax!

I need RELATIONSHIP advice - pronto!

It has taken me a whole year, yes a year get over him..... remember him, the one that rocked my boat 2007 - 2009! We had to good times and I believed he was my "soul mate" - bet you didn't think I believe in that huh????

So I have put myself out there - but damn I've had to be careful, with all those vulture and users out there.

I've "liked" 3 people since then and every time I thought of giving it a chance with them, I always found reasons not to. Some of the reasons wouldn't make much sense to you but yes, different strokes for different folks (whatever that was meant to justify). If the tables had to be turned on me, I'd probably flip like WTF but ke that is besides the point - what's important here is that I protect my heart and ego.

Apparently I am "cold hearted" too, hey I didn't know that till a few days ago when a friend and the supposed-to-be-new boyfriend went out to a club and I left him standing to go mingke with my peoples - we had just met the day before so naturally I didn't want to seem like I am the clingy type (That is my justification for my actions) and naye he knew a lot of people there so he wasn't totaly alone. Tumelo thought so as well, he said I didn't love him enough - or rather didn't show it enough. I don't know hey - I'm aquarian, go read my star sign and you'll understand why I am like that.

One thing for sure is that it does get lonely in singleville, especially when I call up my peoples and they all tell me that they are spending time with the partners!!!! *SMH*
I feel betrayed after I hang up the phone!

Yo, y'all tell mw now - HOW DO I GET HOOKED UP? and make it last, put aside all reservations and the thoughts of being heart broken????? Help a sitah will ya!

Realy, there is absolutely nothing more interesting than the human life itself! - and I will not back that up with an explaination of why I think so... simply put - I am just sayin'.

And I do just want to bitch about my employer a lil' bit (hoping that she never discovers that I run this blog).

I swear it is like she wakes up in the morning and thinks "hmmmm, I wonder how can I f*ck Khensani's day today, nothing much just annoy and piss the isht outta her till she start spitting fire!?"

Wow.

On the brighter side of that, they say you are dead if no one thinks or talks about you!!!

Looking forward to an awesome weekend - yes!